American Idol 12: Rescue Me (Finals Round 6 Results)

I don’t think I need to beat you over the head with it.  The next hour will be utterly inevitable.

THIS! … is American Idol!

“Once, they were ten” says the opening montage… and now, due to obvious producer bias and dubious casting, there are five.  Five women.  Five women playing not to lose.  Roll the intro…

…after which, we get the Fab Five with a medley of Donna Summer hits.  With this being a non-competitive segment, of course, they seem to be loosening up and having a bit of fun…

…and we get the obligatory plug for the summer tour.  There might even be results…

AFTER THE BREAK!!!! (Or, for me, after a quick fast-forward) (heh)

And we return to another insipid Ford Fiesta Mission – a “celebrity” scavenger hunt.  Can’t wait to see who they find at the end of the road.  Of course, it’s Glee’s Matthew Morrison, plugging his new album.  Yes, everything is a plug here.

But we start the results with…

  • Angie at center stage, to watch her montage and #shutupjimmy (a sentiment to which Nicki clearly agrees)… and not get any results.
  • Candice gets her montage and #shutupjimmy… and gets a very special guest at center stage.  We have a Paula Abdul sighting!  Of course, Pauler loved Candice’s version of “Straight Up”.  And, in what Idol would like us to buzz about (and I’m falling for it), Paula goes back to judges’ row and sits between Nicki and Mariah.  Of course, no results yet for Candice… as we go to…


Fall Out Boy, plugging their new album, are totally randomly in the Idol audience, along with Jordin Sparks and Jason DeRulo (who are apparently a couple) before we cross to the Idol who didn’t win, but might as well have…

Clay Aiken returns to the Idol stage, and does his version of “Bridge over Troubled Water”.


More pretend results…

  • …starting with Janelle’s montage and #shutupjimmy.  Dolly Parton emailed the show to tell Janelle that she did a wonderful job on “Dumb Blonde” last night.  And you’re right, still no results.
  • Amber gets the stand-at-center-stage-montage-#shutupjimmy treatment…
  • …and then Kree does.  (#shutupjimmy)


Before any of the girls find out who’s getting pretend-sent-home, we get a montage that starts with the night Fantasia and Jennifer Hudson were in the Bottom Three.  It ends with Fantasia coming back to Idol … but not before LaToya London (who was the first one saved from that fateful Bottom Three) gets a montage and a hug from Seacrest.  But as to Fantasia…

…she does “Lose To Win”, her new single.  After she gets a rousing ovation (and no interview), we’re off to…


Results time:

  • First to safety is… no surprise here… Candice.
  • Next is… Angie.
  • Also safe… Amber.
  • Stunningly, Kree is in the Bottom Two.  Unsurprisingly, so’s Janelle.

Who sings for the inevitable save?  Cynics would say Kree, so she gets a sympathy push toward the producers’ plans for her to win.  But since Janelle is the VFTW choice… well, let’s see what happens after one more…


And now the charade begins…

  • The singer who’s going to sing for her life is… Janelle.
  • Kree is safe.
  • Janelle sings her countrified version of “You Keep Me Hangin’ On”.

So… do we have the Top Five Round Two next week?

  • The standing ovation from the judges might be a tipoff…
  • Randy makes it official: “This has been a tough debate.  We’re not using the save.”
  • Wait… wait… WHAT?  What the hell?  They don’t have enough singers left… and the DVR cut off, so I don’t even know if they manufactured a save… let me go check VFTW…
  • Nope, no save.  Somewhere between FOX and 19, someone has screwed up badly.  Right now, if they eliminate one singer a week, Finale Week will be a two-night concert by the 12th Idol.  Now that might be their insane idea to push the winner, but let’s face it, ain’t nobody got time for that.

Well, the Final Four (as of now) are back on Wednesday for One-Hit Wonders and Free Choice rounds.  Whatever theatrics are coming, I suspect we’ll see them around 8:05pm Eastern Wednesday night.  See you then.


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