American Idol 11: Ninth Final Results

It’s almost over.

That may be the best news for Idol season 11.  After last night’s middling performances (all of which were judged among the best music in the universe by an increasingly out-of-touch trio of “experts”), we’re down to this: all four performers are going home this week.  Three get to come back to Hollywood with a lot of videotape for next week’s shows.  One just goes home.  There’s a sense that we know who it’s going to be – which means it probably won’t be Hollie.

THIS! … is American Idol!

The montage, of course, focuses on past Hometown Week visits by some of Idol’s favorites…

OK… they have members of the audience on stage, behind ropes, imitating a red-carpet entrance.  Maybe they’ll explain this?

Of course, Seacrest reminds us that Idol Tour tickets go on sale today (Friday, May 11)… then surprises the Television City Idolbots with news that they all just got tickets to the Idol Tour (the papering has started already?)

The final four, in keeping with the theme last night, come out to do “California Dreamin’” by the Mamas and the Papas… the on-stage audience was just used as backdrop for the song.   Putting the audience on stage made the blocking for the song rather difficult, and it all looked forced and uncomfortable for the Final Four.  But hey, some Idolbots got to be on stage!

Break…

Pointless Ford Music Video time (including “behind the scenes” footage) – apparently P2 has been skipping the videos, not that I’d know as I don’t pay attention to them, but he wasn’t in this footage.  The victimized song this week is J-Lo’s“Feeling So Good”, so I kind of feel good that they’ve turned on the judges finally…

The results start quickly…

  • Phillip gets his assessment first…
    • Great, with one hour to fill and 4 results to give, we’re going to get massive doses of recaps and Iovine.  I’m just thrilled by this.
    • Honestly, the recaps are getting so long that you can just skip the performance show.
    • After 70 million votes…
    • …Phillip has to wait, as they’re not announcing anything yet.
  • Now it’s Hollie’s turn…
    • More lengthy recap… More Iovine…
    • …and no results again.  Tease.

Break…

It’s time for the Returning Idol Of The Week – it’s the 7th Idol, David Cook, with his new song “The Last Song I’ll Write For You”.  Cook was the first of the string of White Guys With Guitar that VFTW is trying to extend to five in a row with P2.  So you could say that P2 is all Cook’s fault.  I wouldn’t, but you could.

Break…

Back to the non-results…

  • …as Joshua is called to the stage…
    • …so they can play the montage and foist more Iovine on us…
    • …I’m sure Joshua has never had the experience of making a woman speak in tongues before… ok, that sounded different in my head than it reads here…
    • …of course, no results, as Joshua is parked on the couch to await…
  • Jessica’s call to the stage…
    • …montage… Iovine… really, they can’t find a sitcom for Wednesday nights to allow the results to drop to 30 minutes???
    • …before Jessica goes back to the couch.
    • So we’ve seen “results” with no results.  Way to go, guys… stay classy.

Break…

Now is the time in our show where a judge will sing and dance.  It’s Jennifer Lopez doing “Dance Again”… it’s a pretape, as we’ll find out after the break when J-Lo turns up back at the judges’ table with nary a hair out of place after a magical costume change…

Break…

It appears to be time for the real results, as all four finalists are on stage…

…but first, we need the judges to emit some more hot air…

…and more hot air…

…and more hot air…

  • The real results:
  • Jessica is safe.
  • Joshua is safe.
  • It’s unclear if P2 and Hollie are really the bottom two… or just the last two.  Usually, the final two here are selected for dramatic potential, not vote counts…

Break…

  • After an hour of wasted time…
  • Phillip is safe.  VFTW Victory!
  • To absolutely nobody’s surprise, Hollie is going home in fourth place.

We’ll miss the girl of 1000 accents, but as noted last night, she was overdue to leave.  You can’t stay under the radar all the way to the finale.

That said, looking at the Hometown Three… would you buy a record any of them make?  I’m not sure I would.

But as Hollie sings us off with the song that’s kind of become her Idol theme (“The Climb”), we are faced with the reality that one of these three not-quite-ready singers will be the 11th Idol.

The semi-finals are Wednesday night.  See you Thursday morning for the recap of what is likely to be the most filler-packed non-finale two-hour episode in Idol’s 11-season history.

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Author: Rob Hoffmann

Occasional blogger, full-time computer techie, radio producer (basketball, mostly), improv tech guy, generally nice person (if you ask me).

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