American Idol 11: Fourth Final Results

Last night was… dull, for the most part.  With the Idols playing it safe and the producers unable to figure out a way to make it interesting, it was about the longest two hours of television they’ve produced – and it has the potential to get a lot worse, as they struggle to fill two hours with a smaller number of singers.

If the audience sends the wrong person home tonight, we’ll need to find words stronger than “a lot worse”.  I just hope they don’t punish anyone who didn’t play it safe, because the last thing we need is to have all of the singers scared into dull, bland conformity.  Oh, wait, I forgot what show I’m recapping…

THIS! … is American Idol!

Actually, I don’t think Seacrest has done the “THIS!” intro all season, but I’ll stick with it, because it’s more fun than the paint-by-numbers montages that have opened the results shows all season…

Scariest sign seen in the audience – what appeared to be a teenager holding a sign saying “Marry Me Steven T.”.  Scary because he would…

We start with important American Idol news.  Aerosmith is going on tour this summer (with Cheap Trick).  Yes, that’s important American Idol news.  How dare you question that?

They can’t resist showing tweets from some of the artists covered last night… you wonder if the artists voted… and Eric Benet showed up on-stage to surprise/congratulate Deandre for his (tepid) cover of Benet’s song last night.  I suspect Deandre isn’t going into the Bottom Three tonight, even if the voting would have put him there, as the producers aren’t about to disrespect an artist cameo.

OK, now we have to suffer through the Pointless Ford Music Video, as the Idols violate Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock”.

Break…

Last week, we learned that the Top Nine got to move into the Idol Mansion.  So it’s time for the annual time-filler tradition, “Idol Moving Day Footage”.

Results time…

  • Elise, Phillip, and Hollie get the call…
    • None of them were in my projected Bottom Three, so I’m already behind…
    • Montage.  Jimmy Iovine, SHUT UP.  Fast-Forward.  OK, I didn’t fast-forward, and I’m glad, as we got the word that next week’s theme is “The ‘80s”.  Yeah, let’s stay contemporary…
    • Hollie, despite Carrie Underwood’s Twitter support, is in the Bottom Three.  Not a surprise, as I don’t know that the voters connect with Hollie’s Britexan personality.
    • Phillip is safe.
    • Elise is safe.  That’s good, as Phillip and Elise tried to be entertaining last night…

Break…

Idol, a show about manufactured careers, once again showcases a manufactured artist.  It’s the bizarre (and obviously auto-tuned/lip-synched) “Starships” from the equally-bizarre Nicki Minaj.

Well, that was… something.  I think Ryan did the post-song interview so the producers could “prove” that her microphone wasn’t just a prop…

Break…

It’s time to dim the lights again…

  • Colton, Joshua, and Heejun get the call… which one of these is not like the others, I wonder?
    • Montage.  Iovine hot air.
    • Colton, after pandering to the fundies, is safe.  Now if Hollie had tried to shove her religion into her Carrie cover, she’d probably be safe, too, even though Idol voters generally hate women, they lub Jebus.
    • Joshua is safe.
    • Heejun, to nobody’s surprise, is in the Bottom Three. 

Break…

Either he’s riding his success or desperately trying to find it, but either way, Scotty McCreery is back with his new single, “Water Tower Town”.

At least he seems to be signing rather than lip-syncing.

Idol takes the opportunity to host the presentation of Scotty’s RIAA Platinum Album certification.

Break…

One guess what’s next…

  • Skylar, Deandre, and Jessica are the last three to get results…
    • Ruh-roh… Deandre’s probably safe, and Jessica is the Pinoy Princess… I don’t like how this is shaping up…
    • But first, more hot air from Iovine amid the montage…
    • Jessica, of course, is safe.
    • Skylar is in the Bottom Three.  I knew she was always at risk, but this is ridiculous.  She was one of the two or three best performers last night… clearly, this is proof of my theory that the tweens and housewives who’ve overwhelmed Idol voting hate (other) women.
    • Deandre, thanks to Eric Benet, is safe.

Break… will the judges have to invoke the save now, or later? 

  • Your Bottom Three are on stage…
    • Skylar is safe.  Let’s hope she doesn’t get scared into ballads next week…
    • Hollie is safe.
    • Heejun has to sing for his life.  Doesn’t matter – there is no way the judges are blowing the save on Heejun, so this song is rather pointless…

Heejun Han – “The Same Song As Yesterday”
Hey, that’s what he called it (of course, it’s “A Song For You” by Donny Hathaway)… I don’t get why he’d go back and sing the song that got him to the brink of elimination, but I can’t figure out anything about this guy.  He’ll spend the summer singing one solo and a group number on the Idol tour, and then disappear… good for him, I guess, it’s easy money if you can get it… and he’ll do state fairs for years, probably, as some of the least-memorable Idols have done…

  • For legal reasons, Ryan asks the judges if they’re saving Heejun.  Steven delivers the official decision – NO.  Heejun Han is going home.

The show’s running long, so Heejun’s farewell montage plays under the credits, and gets cut off on most DVRs, which is somehow fitting… see you Thursday morning for the Elite Eight recap.

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Author: Rob Hoffmann

Occasional blogger, full-time computer techie, radio producer (basketball, mostly), generally nice person (if you ask me).

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