So… last night was Billy Joel night with Sean Combs mentoring. And it was about what we expected… ballads, some good performances, some bad performances, at least one awful performance, and a pattern of the singers ignoring both the mentoring and the style suggestions from Tommy Hilfiger. It made for a lumbering two hours.
And they had 10 singers!
Wait until there’s 5 singers left and they’re trying to fill two hours. I suggest drinking.
But anyway… there’s a results show to go through, and even though Heejun should go home because he’s a terrible singer, we know he won’t because he’s a guy and FOX has done nothing to blunt the power-voting by tween Idolbots and fantasizing housewives… singing competition? What singing competition?
THIS! … is American Idol!
After a paint-by-numbers opening montage, we’re off and running… oh yeah, the Judges’ Save is in play (and probably has no chance of use tonight).
We move right into the Official Lip-Synched Group Number… and after two of the longest hours on TV, they actually have the guts to do “The Longest Time”??? Really? Either it’s audacious or it shows a complete lack of self-awareness…
Side note: whoever let Erika go onstage in that dress should be fired, shot, or both.
Yes, it’s time for the Pointless Ford Video, this time doing evil things to Kelly Clarkson’s “You Found Me”. Most notable is that you know that this was filmed late last week, as it features Erika’s old hair.
Ryan notes that the final 9 move into the Idol Mansion – meaning that we now know where some of the filler footage will be coming from in the weeks ahead…
- Hollie, Skylar, and Elise get the first call for results…
- Montage. Iovine. Fast-forward.
- Hollie is moving into the mansion.
- Skylar is moving into the mansion.
- Elise is also moving into the mansion.
- Interesting swerve for once. I’ll give them this one.
“Indie pop darling” “Lana Del Rey” (not her real name) “sings” “Video Games”.
I am “not impressed”. Normally, I would have fast-forwarded, but I really wanted to see when the song would actually start becoming interesting. It never did, and then the commercials started.
It should be noted that Lizzy Grant… sorry… “Lana”… is signed to Interscope Records. Right, Jimmy Iovine’s label. I’m thinking that if we get the Interscope roster, we can accurately predict the results-show guest stars for the rest of the season. Oh, by the way, this was pretaped at last week’s results show, apparently.
Break (and a chance for me to recover)…
Steven Tyler gets a birthday surprise – Joe Perry leads the idols and the audience in a rendition of “Happy Birthday”. Tyler turns 107
55 on Monday. Wait, he’s only 7 years older than me? I’m scared. (EDIT: Fortunately, the source I found was either old, out of date, or can’t do math — Tyler is turning 63 Monday. I really have to work on this fact-checking stuff…)
- Deandre, Joshua, and Jessica are next at center stage…
- Montage. Iovine. Anger.
- Jessica, to nobody’s surprise (especially when Billy Joel gave his seal of approval) is moving into the mansion.
- Joshua is moving into the mansion.
- Deandre is the first into the Bottom Three.
Back to the Idol stage to get a boost for her new career, AI10 alum Haley Rinehart sings “Free”. 5 seconds in, she’s shown more personality and talent than Lizzy… um… “Lana” did in her whole performance. So, of course, “Lana” has all the buzz and Haley doesn’t. I guess singing just isn’t all that important in singing.
And just like that, back to another break…
- Erika, Heejun, Phillip, and Colton, because they’re the last four left, get their turn…
- Montage. Iovine. Aargh.
- Colton is moving into the mansion.
- Erika is taking her new hairdo into the Bottom Three.
- Phillip is moving into the mansion.
- Heejun takes his deserved spot in the Bottom Three.
- So the Bottom Three are Deandre, Erika, and Heejun. This week, Ryan doesn’t send any of the Bottom Three right back to safety, so we have to wait through…
Time for the reckoning…
- Going back to the couches is Deandre, who’s moving into the mansion.
- The Bottom Two are Erika and Heejun. No surprise, really.
- Heejun is moving into the mansion as I look for a sneaker to throw at the television.
- Erika is singing for her life.
Erika Van Pelt – “I Believe In You And Me”, Whitney Houston version (originally by the Four Tops)
I don’t know… if she’d put this kind of energy into her previous performances, maybe she’d have gone a little farther. But the reality is, she’s a late-20s woman on a show where the most frequent voters hate women (especially the ones at the high end of the age bracket). She never had a chance. Properly packaged, and with the right management, she’ll do well. Probably better than some of the eventual top four.
- Randy announced that Erika won’t be saved, in a bored voice that seemed to indicate that he didn’t care in the least either way.
- Erika is the second of the three Wild Cards to be bounced. Deandre needs to be a star the next few weeks to avoid the reaper, I think.
And with that, we’re out… I’ll go replace my TV and be back next week to recap the Mansion Nine… see you Thursday morning.