X-Factor USA: Semi-Final Results

The slog to the finish is almost over.  Get ready to spend 60 minutes waiting for an announcement that could be done in 5 – but then FOX would have to figure out what to do with the other 55 minutes… probably another Howie Mandel flash-mob wedding…

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Filler Music.

Cue the opening montage, recapping everything that theoretically we all saw last night.  Then again, should I bash them for recapping, considering what I’m doing?

Oh, look, it’s the Charisma Vacuum, doing his primary job – getting out of the way while the judges are introduced.

Wow – 30 million votes last night… or about as many votes as Idol’s first voting round gets… and, as predicted, it’s time for the Final Four Group Number.  There’s something weird but funny about white-bread Josh Krajcik singing the hook to Dr. Dre’s “No Diggity” (mashed up with Tears for Fears’ “Shout”).   After that musical pileup, we get a plug for auditions for X-Factor Season Two – including online auditions that are now open.  Where are the auditions for the new host?


And we’re back for another recap.  This time, it’s the onstage/backstage recap with all that “special” backstage footage – and, this week, extra bonus Skype footage from viewing parties held by each contestant’s friends and family around the nation!  Feel the… the… er… yeah, feel it!

Sorry, I zoned out, were the judges saying anything useful?  I doubt it.

Break… we may get something interesting after this, but only because the one guest-star act is next…

Damn, even the judges ignore the Charisma Vacuum, as he asks the same stupid scripted question four times before L.A. Reid acknowledges it – and then says nothing of value.

At 26 past the hour, here’s something actually interesting.  Indie darlings Florence & the Machine, with “Spectrum”, an album track off the band’s second CD, “Ceremonials”.  I may have been wrong about the “interesting” part, though… this isn’t a song I’d go out and buy.  Maybe it’s an acquired taste?  This may have been a pretape.

After the break… the first two finalists will be announced.

We’re back, but before we get results, it’s… yes… ANOTHER (redacted) MONTAGE!?!?!  This time, it’s the judges telling us how the performers are different from each other, as if we hadn’t been watching the show for several months now…

37 past the hour, let’s get some semblance of results… but not until we get the full dramatic introductions of the mentors and their… umm…. mentees?

39 past the hour…

  • The first finalist is Chris Rene.
  • The second finalist is Melanie Amaro.

Kind of surprised that Josh hit the “no particular order” Two with Marcus… but hey, there has to be a modicum of drama before Marcus goes home…

Break… after which we all boo Nicole Scherzinger for her singing rather than her judging…

After a brief backstage segment where Marcus and Josh say pretty much what you’d expect, it’s Nicole singing “Pretty” from her new album, “I Need To Prove I’m More Than A Pussycat Doll” “Killer Love”.  Well, it’s new to the USA, it was released to the rest of the world 9 months ago.  It was more fun to see Simon mocking Nicole’s “judging”, actually.

Break… after which we send Marcus someone home…

We’re back, with backstage interviews with the first two finalists… while I put out an APB for Melanie’s accent, the remaining singers and mentors get ANOTHER full-stage introduction.  I would like to enter tonight’s show as Exhibit A in my case that 60-minute results shows are a farce.

56 past the hour, as we’re reminded that this is the Bottom One plus a randomly-selected finalist…  Cue the Millionaire Final Question lighting and soundtrack…

  • The third Finalist is Josh Krajcik.
  • To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Marcus Canty finishes fourth.

CV is a lousy interviewer.  That’s the takeaway from his abysmal job talking to Marcus after Marcus was sent home.  Cue the montage.

As noted before, I’ll be out of town for the finals, so you’ll have to watch Josh “upset” Melanie without me… I’ll write up some closing thoughts on the first dismal season of The X-Factor shortly after Christmas.

Happy Holidays, and remember, we’re just a month away from American Idol’s premiere week, and The Voice returns shortly thereafter – one of those shows HAS to be better than this, right?


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