With thanks to all of our veterans, whose service has helped ensure the freedom to watch junk-food television like X-Factor… here we go…
Sticking to the two-week-old formula, we start with the official show-opening montage, voiced by someone who isn’t Steve Jones and whose voice I don’t recognize.
It’s time. To face. The music.
And it’s time to face the opening lip-synch group number. It’s “Save The World Tonight” by something called Swedish House Mafia. After which Jones quickly ushers the performers off the stage so he can introduce the judges, who start the night at the table instead of doing a large entrance.
Just minutes after doing the opening montage, we have the second opening montage. This one, of course, has the exclusive backstage interviews that do so much to enlighten us…
While the Charisma Vacuum botches the rules, I fast-forward…. through the first break.
We return to a Pepsi plug. Now, the top-line sponsor is giving the X-Factor audience the opportunity to create the staging for one of the insipid lip-synched opening numbers. I’m just so… um… yeah.
As it’s Movie Week, how about the daughter of two movie stars singing? Sure, why not? It’s Willow Smith. Eleven-year-old Willow Smith. Sorta rapping, sorta singing. Sorta moving on.
Off to break… no closer to results… have I mentioned that the results show is too damn long?
As it’s Movie Week, how about a British superstar who has nothing to do with the movies at all? Sure, why not? It’s Jessie J. Interestingly, she’s a judge for the UK version of one of the X-Factor’s competitors, The Voice.
Another break. Halfway through the show and not a hint of a result, although we’ve been promised they’ll start… now.
The finalists and their mentors take the stage. This’ll take a few minutes.
In no particular order… the top 9:
- Stacy Francis. Kind of a surprise.
- Astro. VFTWvictory.
- Melanie Amaro.
- Marcus Canty.
- LeRoy Bell.
- Rachel Crow. Hmm… neither group yet?
- Josh Krajcik. The over-30’s survive.
- Drew. The girls are all through.
- Chris Rene. All of the boys made it.
I had actually typed the last two names before they were announced. America’s deep and abiding hatred of groups continues, and if the surviving group makes the Bottom Two next week, Simon Cowell may have to rework the competition for season 2. If the groups are going to be cannon fodder, what groups are going to audition? My guess is that they’ll add a rule where no mentor can have both spots in the Bottom Two for the first few weeks of the finals.
Anyway, the Final Showdown, Group Edition, is after…
Lakoda Rayne – “No Air”, Jordin Sparks
Stereo Hogzz – “You Are Not Alone”, Michael Jackson
I’d put Lakoda Rayne through. Oddly, they seem like more of a group than the Stereo Hogzz, although the Hogzz have been friends for years while Lakoda Rayne are one of the two judge-created groups from the original auditions. How will the judges see it? Of course, it’s after…
OK, let’s see how quickly Steve Jones rushes the judges through the vote-off. Remember, if the judges are tied, America’s vote determines the loser.
- L.A. Reid, after a filibuster and a nudge from Jones, votes to eliminate Stereo Hogzz.
- Nicole votes to eliminate Stereo Hogzz.
- After initially refusing to vote (which would have automatically eliminated the Hogzz), and after tears and histrionics, Paula votes tactically, “eliminating” Lakoda Rayne in order to force Simon to vote. Her hysterics shove the show well off-time.
- Simon sends home Stereo Hogzz.
- Lakoda Rayne are back next week, when they will be voted into the Bottom Two in a fair and unbiased manner.
And with that, we recess until next Wednesday night, when the top ten return, and we’ll get our first solo act into the Bottom Two, where the judges will probably eliminate them in order to keep a group in the competition. See you Thursday morning. Happy Veterans’ Day… and crank it up a notch to honor Nigel Tufnel!