American Idol 10: The Finale – Results Show

OK.  Last night’s show was a massive disappointment.  We had one singer coasting and one whose vocal problems prevented her from capitalizing.  It was, arguably, one of the worst hours of television American Idol has ever committed.  Fortunately, the finale is usually guaranteed to be over the top, with a large number of surprises, some kitsch, some bad auditioners, and… after two hours of everything but the kitchen sink… a winner is announced.  So… do the producers get their desired Idol (Lauren), or do the tweens get theirs (Scotty)… TONIGHT~!?

My local FOX station airs “Two and a Half Men” reruns right before Idol… so I guess we’re already #winning! 🙂  Yes, that was lame.  I’m sorry.  But killing time until the show starts was getting boring, and I didn’t feel like watching Idol’s two-hour (!) online pregame show.  Ah, it’s time… here we go…

(8:00 PM – Showtime)

We jump in with the reminder… we started with 125,000 and ended with two.  And “only one will triumph”.  Clips from last night, and a lot of judicial blathering… “it all comes down to you”… as from Nokia Theatre L.A. Live, Seacrest (in the crowd) says those words… one last time this season…

THIS… is American Idol!

Cue the credit roll and a host-only introduction as the judges are on stage already.  122 million votes last night, quoth Seacrest, and almost 750 million votes all season (all from a 7th-grade class in Asheville, NC).  Seacrest gets the fans of each singer to yell before introducing our judges… “The Original” (Randy), “The Rose Between Two Thorns” (J-Lo), and “Our Resident Rocker” (Steven).   And here come our Idols (who will now be shoved to the side for two hours), Lauren and Scotty.  Both are blinding in white.  We get the obligatory local shots from Chattanooga and Raleigh — but no local hosts this season?

Lauren and Scotty are right back… along with the entire Top 13… as Idol continues to genuflect at the Altar of Gaga with “Born This Way”.  I cannot do justice to the all-white (or silver) outfits worn by the Top 13 except that if you’d seen them during the season, you wouldn’t be far off in guessing each person’s particular style.    Scotty and Lauren play at trying to steal the audience’s applause, and we’ve reached our first…

(break – 8:08 pm – which includes a spot for Jim Carrey’s official career suicide picture, “Mr. Popper’s Penguins”)

Back with Seacrest in the rafters, ready to introduce our first surprise.  It’s James Durbin with Judas Priest… starting with “Living After Midnight”.  James is in a black cap, black studded vest and wrist/armband, T-shirt, and jeans.  He’s approximately 90 years younger than the band behind him… 🙂 Gotta say that James seems comfortable here — more than he was most of the season.  From “Midnight”, a segue into “Breaking The Law”… and we’re done.  Yeah, this is where James was meant to be.  Of course, Seacrest plugs “Epitaph”, the Priest Farewell Tour, starting next month.

Seacrest wants to honor “our esteemed panel of judges”… starting with the Dawg.  And some clips he’d probably like to forget.  Especially his constant “in it to win it” blathering.  Approximately 23 of the top 13 were “in it to win it” at some point.  Otherwise… you didn’t miss much.

More music now… “I Smile” with Jacob Lusk and gospel star Kirk Franklin.  Interesting – Franklin will be here in Richmond in July (Kings Dominion’s Joyfest, if you’re into gospel).  And we get another singer – someone you may have heard of – a Pip-less Gladys Knight.  Shortly thereafter, a full gospel choir materialized onstage.  Quick plug for Gladys’ Vegas show, and we’re out…

There was a riff in Jacob’s set asking for donations to the Red Cross.  If you can help, text REDCROSS to 90999, and $10 will be added to your next cellular bill as a donation to the American Red Cross for tornado relief.

(break – 8:21 pm)

Right into music… Casey Abrams on stage, doing “Fat Bottomed Girls”, with Jack Black.   Interesting.  Black’s playing a rocker, Casey’s trying to be one.  A few models (who kind of fit the title) prance around onstage whilst Casey and Jack sing… plug for Jack Black’s new movie (“Kung Fu Panda 2”), and we cut right to more live music…

It’s the Ladies of the Top 13, but first, Seacrest stalls while the stage is reset… promising to get the results in before the DVRs stop… oh, the ladies are ready (Lauren’s not on stage, probably due to vocal concerns, and everyone else is in red and black).  They start with (what else) “Single Ladies”… into “Irreplaceable”… “Move Your Body”… “If I Were A Boy”… “Deja Vu”… all of which leads us into… Beyoncé.  She joins the ladies for “Crazy In Love”.   And…

(break – 8:36 pm – the leadout spot is for “Kung Fu Panda 2”.  There are no coincidences.)

Back with Seacrest and the judges, plugging the Top 11 tour… and then we get a clip show for Steven Tyler… which can best be described as borderline insanity between the censored cuts… of course, we get “f**k a duck and see what hatches”… and other babble.  Quick standing ovation, and on to the next thing…

It’s Haley Reinhart with a true legend (and there aren’t many of them left), Tony Bennett… doing “Steppin’ Out With My Baby”.   He’s got a new duet album this fall at the ripe young age of 85…

More “ridicule the judges” video… it’s J-Lo’s turn… playing with the People Magazine “Most Beautiful Person” cover… and all the auditioners who confessed crushes on J-Lo as they were “growing up”… right through to J-Lo’s legs (and a near upskirt shot) and Casey’s kiss.  Another standing ovation, and…

Back to the stage… it’s TLC (featuring Li’l Jon).  They start with a bit of “Come Get Some”, then “Scrubs”… “Waterfalls”.  The Ladies of the Top 13 (minus Lauren and Haley) join “Waterfalls” at mid-song…

Seacrest is back while the stage is reset for “Live Like You’re Dying” – yes, it’s Tim McGraw and Scotty McCreery.  A pair of Mc’s for country fans to draw to… ending with a plug for McGraw’s “Emotional Traffic” tour and a…

(break – 8:55 pm)

Back with the guys (and Ryan) at the judges’ panel… and some dude claiming to be “Ryan’s protegé” on tape, by way of introducing and narrating the “bad audition” reel.  I’m not giving the fame whores any more words than necessary.

Back to the stage… with Marc Anthony doing “Aguanile”.  Since J-Lo wasn’t at the judges’ panel, care to guess what happens next?  You guessed.  J-Lo is out to dance for and with her hubby.  Ryan: “now we know what they do at home”.

Cut to Ryan introducing a set of clips showing the Idols’ “shocking eliminations” and letting them talk about which one was most shocking.  Casey and James argue back and forth about whose it was, before Pia strolls in  with a sash saying… yeah… “Most Shocking”.

Back to the stage, as the Top 13 Guys do a group number, starting with “Kiss”… “She’s a Lady”… “What’s New, Pussycat?”… “Green, Green Grass of Home”… “Love Me Tonight” (are you seeing a pattern here?)… “Delilah” (getting it yet?)… would I Welsh on you?  Here he comes, it’s Sir Tom Jones… doing “It’s Not Unusual”.  And…

(break – 9:14 pm – 45 minutes or so to the 10th Idol)

As we return, it’s a plug for the iTunes download section… then one more pointless Ford Video (“Whenever You Remember”) featuring our two finalists… just to really drive home the inanity, this is a montage of the other pointless Ford Videos.  As part of the Hometown Visits, Ford did a fundraiser at each finalist’s school, and also brought one teacher who influenced each of them to Los Angeles for the finale.  Leave it to Ryan to say “you guys have hot teachers”… before the teachers get their new Ford Focuses (Foci?) from the students (and Ford).  They apparently didn’t know this was coming.  The kids each get to pick a Ford vehicle of their own, too.  They apparently didn’t know that was coming (yeah, right).

OK, back to the stage.  Here comes Lady Gaga with “The Edge of Glory” (her new single from “Born This Way”).  She comes out of a large box atop a styrofoam rockpile on stage wearing what appears to be a chandelier on her head.  She starts with a long cloak and ends up in a glittering bandana and two-piece.  To say I don’t get this would be a massive understatement.  Interestingly, she keeps singing without a microphone while she’s gyrating with one of her (male) dancers.  I wonder how they did that… 🙂  The song ends with Gaga and the dancer falling off the edge of glory (and the box) to the stage.  Sadly, they survived.

(break – 9:27 pm – edging closer to a result)

We jump right back to the stage… and Lauren doing a Carrie Underwood song.  Hmm… Anyway, she starts into “Before He Cheats”.  And yes, it most certainly means what we thought it means… the lovely Mrs. Fisher joining Lauren on stage for a duet.  Somewhere, Nigel Lythgoe’s heart rate hit about 240.

Cut to Ryan plugging iTunes, before introducing some B-roll about “our youngest pair of finalists” in the words of the other finalists.  IT turns into a roast of sorts (Pia: “go to your proms”; Stefano: “Wasn’t American Juniors cancelled?”).  I have no doubt that VFTW loved this segment.

Wow… Beyoncé gets to make two appearances tonight, this time with her new single “One Plus One”.  Obligatory standing ovation and…

(break – 9:41 pm – our long day’s journey into night is almost over)

Ryan’s back – tryouts are set for random cities (he talked too fast for my typing, go to Idol’s website) for Season 11… as he sends us to the stage…

It’s “Rise Above”, a song from the soundtrack for the epic Broadway disaster “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark”, with songwriters Bono and the Edge.  Yeah, the U2 guys, along with the show’s Spider-Man (Reeve Carney).    They have a Spidey hanging from the rafters to do the upside-down kiss with J-Lo.   Nice touch, although J-Lo cracking up probably wasn’t the intended effect… oh, and if you’re in New York and going to a preview of “Spider-Man” tonight… tough luck, the show went on with Carney’s understudy.

(break – 9:50 pm – the breaks come more frequently as we get later)

Back to Ryan at the judges’ dais – but no Steven Tyler.  Hmm… you got it…

It’s Steven Tyler doing a song some might be familiar with… “Dream On”, anyone?  It starts out stripped-down, with Tyler on piano… but… right about the time you expect it… bring up the band and give Tyler the tasseled microphone.  I guess this is an appropriate song for the moments before we finally get our winner… and…

(break – 9:57 pm – the “results” part of the results show comes after this break)

Back at 10:01 pm.  The chartered accountant brings out the Certified Results Envelope… dim the lights… here we go… 

  • The 10th American Idol is… Scotty McCreery!!!!

Scotty thanks Lauren (who was “with him from day one” — and they did audition at the same site) and the Lord.

Scotty’s first song as the 10th American Idol takes us home… “I Love You So Big”, his first single.  It must be hard to sing as you’re hugging your way through your family and friends in the front row… 🙂

The Idol tour comes to Richmond in late August.  I may check it out.  Expect an X-Factor blog this fall.  Thanks for reading along… it’s been fun.  Have a great summer, and stop by occasionally when I talk about stuff that isn’t Idol. 🙂


Author: Rob Hoffmann

Occasional blogger, slightly less occasional improv player/ref/tech, full-time computer techie, radio producer (basketball, mostly), generally nice person (if you ask me).

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