Just know that I passed up the first hour of the NFL Draft for you… for YOU! OK, that’s not going to fly, is it? I did it because I’m fed up with the NFL’s incredible stupidity, so I’ve decided to do better things with my time. Like staying with the Idol live-blog. Of course, I do plan to go back and watch Roger Goodell being booed like Tony Romo at FedEx Field (or, for you Left Coasters, like Matt Hasselbeck at Candlestick).
Some housekeeping before we dive into tonight’s results – now that the videos have hit the web, I got a chance to watch the duet performances that were wiped out by EAS here last night…
Casey and Haley did a nice job – except that Casey really needs to curb his habit of singing *at* his duet partner instead of with her. If he keeps undercutting her on-stage, she’s going to cut him off elsewhere, if you get my drift… Lauren and Scotty were pretty good, helped by whoever arranged “Up On The Roof” for them. You’d never know that was a Drifters song, and I mean it in a good way. Jacob and James were doomed, and their vocal dramatics got in each other’s way far too much. The only interest here is that Jacob and James seem on very different arcs on the show… about which, I should get back to it. Which of the three second-tier singers is going home… TONIGHT~!?
Seacrest asks… “What have you decided?” And that’s the intro… here we go…
Intriguing to see Seacrest still working the Dick Clark hairdo. Hmmm… he says “a lot of fans are going to be disappointed” tonight… before bringing out the Final Six (one of who has about 45 minutes left in their 15 minutes of fame)… and sending them to the couches.
We now stall… I mean… Seacrest chatters with the judges before billboarding the show (Bruno Mars, Crystal Bowersox), and then firing off a really dismal bit of B-roll from the British Consulate (apparently, an official reception) as Idol desperately tries to be relevant with a riff on the Royal Wedding (8 hours away as I type). To prove their relevance, the Idols are photo-opped with Fred Willard.
From that bit of semi-relevance to the Final Six
Lipsync (maybe not, it sounded live tonight), a melody of Carole King songs: “It Might As Well Rain Until September”… “Take Good Care Of My Baby”… “One Fine Day”… “Go Away Little Girl” (with Scotty serenading Random Audience Tweens)… “It’s Too Late”…
We’re back, with the biggest waste of time on television (other than Glenn Beck)… the Idols maiming Madness’ “Our House” in the Pointless Ford Video. They sang one damn line over and over and over and over and over and… oh, thank goodness, it’s over.
Which brings us to last season’s runner-up (who should have won), Crystal Bowersox with “Ridin’ With The Radio”. Good song. As Crystal goes over to greet the Final Six, Seacrest quickly throws to…
…and we come back to a Tour plug. And now, we get an occasional Idol feature – questions from the Twitter stream for the Idols. Who would Casey duet with? Jazz legend Oscar Peterson. When did Jacob discover the range in his voice? At age 6. (These are the real questions.) (I couldn’t make this up.) What’s the hardest thing about being an Idol finalist, Lauren? Missing friends and family – which became a “we send love to the tornado victims” moment. Did Scotty ever have a pre-Idol job? Yes, in a grocery store and a tanning salon. (Really, these are the questions.) Did James play with a band before Idol? Yes. Who is Haley’s favorite past Idol contestant? She mentions Glambert, Siobhan Magnus, Kelly Clarkson, Lee DeWyze, Crystal Bowersox (and, at Seacrest’s prompting, Taylor Hicks) while saying she can’t choose one. Enough stalling… dim the lights, here we go…
- Haley comes to center stage – we get clips of last night’s performance, judges’ comments, and a post-show critique from Jimmy Iovine. He says that if she goes home, it’s because she doesn’t know who she is as an artist. She swore when she heard it, then protested that she does know who she is. What she also knows is that she’s safe.
- Scotty gets the treatment next – Iovine says Scotty’s a phenom who shouldn’t have to “spread his wings”, but that Scotty’s “subtleties” might be lost in the Idol competition. Scotty doesn’t get his results just yet… he’s on hold… so Seacrest can bring up…
- Lauren. Iovine says Lauren only hears the negatives in the judges’ critiques… and that she’s here for the long run. (That’s helpful, Jimmy. Thanks.) No results yet for Lauren, she’s heading back to the couches… making room at center stage for…
- Casey. Iovine says the growling has to go, as the “family dog doesn’t vote on this show”. But he thinks that VFTW has won again (and that Casey is safe). No results for Casey.
Well, that was an utterly pointless segment… although Seacrest again teases a “surprise” in the results. That was 15 minutes of my life I’m not getting back – but since FOX will never allow the results show to shrink to a more natural 30 minutes (yes, I’m beating a dead horse, why do you ask?), we’re stuck with this fluff.
We jump right back into the results…
- James is at center stage when we get back (guess we’re a little over on time?). Iovine says he’s more believable as a rocker, and that if he picks the right songs, he can “win this thing”. James is safe.
- Jacob comes to center stage. Iovine makes fun of Jacob’s attire, saying he should’ve gone into the Dancing With The Stars studio, and that Jacob’s on “banana-peel” status. At this point, the final four are called up…
- Lauren is the next to be declared safe.
- It’s unclear if Scotty, Casey, and Jacob are the Bottom Three. I doubt it. But they’re the three that are left without answers as we go to…
We’re back to Bruno Mars, with a pre-taped song whose title Seacrest couldn’t be bothered to mention. Could it be that he was too lazy to mention “The Lazy Song”? Nah, that’d be too meta for Seacrest.
So what’s all this about Superman renouncing his American citizenship? Talk about generating controversy for profit… you’d think it was a karaoke TV show or… um… yeah.
We’re back with the Last-but-not-Bottom Three… as Seacrest reminds us, results are in random order:
- Jacob is safe.
- Scotty and Casey are on-stage. This is a producer trick, right?
- Casey is going home for the second time (no save this time). Scotty is safe. It was a producer trick.
- Haley’s over on the couch trying hard NOT to look crushed as she has to fly solo for a while…
- …as we cue the exit montage.
- Casey sings us out with “I Put A Spell On You” – and hugs and kisses for the judges… and random audience members?
We’re over on time, so this should end abruptly (and it does).
The Final Five are back on Wednesday night… no theme announced yet. “Bones” is next, but I’m catching up on “Drew Carey’s Improv-A-Ganza” instead. See you next week.