American Idol 10 Finals: Round of 9 Results

After a show that was rather heavily panned around the blogosphere – with a few different takes that were similar to my comment that none of the 9 performers remaining really seem like they have the chops to be the 10th American Idol – we reconvene for the badly-bloated results show.  Hopefully, the producers learned something useful last Thursday, and the painful Group Lip-Sync has been ditched in favor of songs by smaller combos.  We also have the question of whether Paul makes it through another week – and if VFTW or his placement in the closing slot are the reason why.  Whatever happens, word is that Idol alum Constantine Maroulis is singing on the show, and that someone will be sent home… TONIGHT~!?

8:00… here we go… opening montage, asking “WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE?” (yes, in all caps).  And, as your Obvious Reminder states… “THERE CAN BE ONLY… ONE” (yes, in all caps).   Fire up the credits, we’re off and running, mostly live from Television City…

Oh man… Seacrest starts up with hype for another “shocking” results show… Constanine Marouliis, Iggy Pop, and more are promised…  and the bad news?  The Group Lip-Sync is back.  It’s a “rock medley”.  Let’s play Spot the Song… “I Love Rock and Roll”… “The Letter”… “Sweet Home Alabama” (that’s it, the producers have to die now).  Three songs?  That’s a medley?  Wow.

*break* so we can recover from the raw artistry and danger of that overly-produced fiasco…
Let’s see if Idol remains predictable… in past years, on Round of 9 week, the 9 contestants were split into 3 groups of 3, and two of the groups were sent to the couches… while the third was the Bottom Three.  They won’t do that cliché again, will they?

Back from the break, and we’ll skip the next few moments, as it’s the Pointless Ford Video.  (“Love Gun”, in case you care)

From one promotional trainwreck to another… Russell Brand, whose hatchet job on “Arthur” debuts this week (and will be on DVD next week, while Dudley Moore does backflips in his grave), came by this week to teach “charisma” to the Idols.  So he taught them how to outkick his coverage, land an impossibly-attractive member of the opposite sex and ride her coattails?  Moving along…

Dim the lights, here we go…

  • Casey, Lauren, and Stefano get the first call to center stage.  Kelly Clarkson has tweeted that she has a crush on Casey?  His reaction indicates he’d definitely encourage it… anyway, one of them is in the bottom three… but first, Lauren is safe. So it’s Casey or Stefano to the Silver Stools of Doom… and it’s Stefano to the Bottom Three for the second time… Casey is safe.

*break* so that we can digest this shocking result.

Back from break, with everyone’s favorite Idol greaseball (I kid, I kid)… Constantine Maroulis doing “Unchained Melody”.   While Constantine is doing a decidedly un-Righteous version of the song, I checked my Facebook to discover the sneakiest vote-gaining ploy ever… Paul McDonald is, apparently, dating Nikki Reed (from “Twilight”).  According to VFTW, they met at the “Red Riding Hood” publicity event.  Hell, if he can get the Twihards to vote for him, he’ll win this thing for sure.  Oh, wait, Constantine is done and Seacrest is committing an interview.  Maroulis is apparently doing the road show of “Rock of Ages”, while finding time to be a dad.  So this is what our current copy of Idols will be doing in 6 years?

Segue to backstage footage of Gwen Stefani, stylist to the stars… or, in this case, the girls of Idol.  As all I know about clothes is that “if it’s clean, it matches”, I zoned out.

There’s no “Sweet Escape” (yes, Seacrest said it)… dim the lights, here we go…

  • Paul, Scotty, and Pia get the call… if I were to guess, I’d say that one of them is in the Bottom Three… first, Scotty is safe. So it’s Paul or Pia who join Stefano… oh wow… Paul is SAFE… Pia makes her first Bottom Three appearance.

C’mon, clearly they did this so Pia gets the Bottom Three Bounce next week…

Oh, look… more filler… I mean, documentary footage, as the Idols get “media training” from the vultures at TMZ.  I mean… really?  That was a waste of time I’ll never get back…

Dim the lights… here we go, one more time…

  • The last three: James, Haley, and Jacob face the music (as it were)… very quickly, James is safe (no surprise)… Haley is SAFE… Jacob is, as expected, off to the Bottom Three for the first time…
  • The Bottom Three is Jacob, Pia, and Stefano.  Pia took Haley’s spot… and is almost certainly safe.

Now the Bottom Three get to wait for 15 minutes to see who goes home… awesome for them, right?

On “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” night, it’s Hall of Famer Iggy Pop, still shirtless after all these years… doing “Real Wild Child”, complete with at least one bleep and one modesty shot of the Idol logo…

The Bottom Three look terrified… not sure if it’s because one of them is leaving, or because of how close Iggy Pop is…

We’re back… time to dim the lights… here we go…

  • First one back to safety is… Jacob (after a bit of a Seacrest Swerve, probably because so many of us thought he was done).
  • It’s Pia or Stefano.  Will the judges regret blowing the save a few weeks back?
  • Leaving us tonight is… Pia (on the season a girl was supposed to win).  Stefano is SAFE. I guess Pia’s trip to the Bottom Three wasn’t a producers’ stunt.  This is why I don’t get paid for this. 🙂
  • And from the reactions at the judges’ podium, it’s clear the judges wish they had the save.  All I can figure is that Pia lost the audience along the way… one too many ballads, I guess.   Either that or the producers have not figured out how to cut back on the tween-girl and bored-housewife vote.
  • Pia gets a chance to sing herself off (with the show going long to accommodate), with “Stand By Me”. “I’ll Stand By You” (that’s what I get for not editing the post before hitting “publish”).

Six guys, two girls, and the obvious fact that the Idol voting mechanism is broken.  If there’s any good news, someone will snap Pia up after the tour this summer and figure out how to package her properly.  She’s seriously marketable… too bad the majority of Idol voters want cute guys.

“Bones” is next on FOX, and the Final Eight are back Wednesday night.  See you then.


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