American Idol 10 Finals: Round of 13 Results

Last night, 13 reasonably-talented singers performed songs by artists who they (may or may not) idolize… tonight, one of them will be relieved of any further obligation to sing for us.  Who gets to be the first to hear David Cook’s new sing-off song… TONIGHT~!?

Pre-show rumors are that Casey Abrams is in the hospital again… reasons unspecified… we’ll have to see how they work around him tonight.

It’s a one-hour results show… because FOX is incapable of producing a watchable 30-minute sitcom.  I have given up hope that FOX will figure out that less is more anytime before they eventually cancel Idol.

OK, enough snark, on with the results… from the Idoldome at Television City in Hollywood… THIS… is American Idol!

Standard opening montage.  Standard Mark Thompson intro.  Standard wired crowd.  Off to a standard start, as Seacrest reminds us that Diddy Dirty Money and Adam Lambert will be here. 

Oh crap.  The damn Judges’ Save is back.  Any night between now and the Top 5, our daffy judges can unanimously save one voted-off contestant.  Glad to see Idol is keeping the bad ideas each season…

12 of the Top 13 come out on stage… it’s confirmed that Casey is under the weather and in hospital… and it’s not at all an awkward transition to the Idol Mansion video. Smile  From there, it’s the even more awkward (but possibly not lip-synched?) Group Number.  Glad to see Idol is keeping the bad ideas each season… and it’s still lip-synched, as the Idol control freaks continue to hide from truly live television… this is the second thing I’d dump if they asked me to produce these shows.  We’ll get to the first thing soon enough.

But first, we get to a much-needed *break*…

And we return to a heavily-caffeinated Seacrest billboarding the night’s events… and then, the first thing I’d dump if they asked me to produce these shows.  The contemptible Ford video.  Please.  I understand product placement – BUT HAVE MERCY ON AMERICA!  MAKE THESE STUPID VIDEOS STOP!  Umm… er… ahem… I appear to have lost my composure for a moment.  I apologize.

No, I don’t, actually.  I own a Ford and these videos want me to torch it.  Please.  Stop the madness.

Oh, look… it’s Amanda Seyfried from Little Red Riding Twilight… no, wait… Red Riding Hood.  And they sent the Idol 13 to the RRH premiere.  Now that’s just cruel…

Time to dim the lights, as we start building the bottom three…

  • Jacob, Karen, and Stefano are the first to face the music (as it were)… and two of them are safe.  Karen is in the bottom three.  Jacob and Stefano will be back next week.

But first, a *break*…

Seacrest is in the crowd, so that means we’re about to get a performance.  It’s Adam Lambert, unplugged, doing “Aftermath” – actually live on stage (no pre-tape!).   There’s no subtext to this song at all, is there?  And he couldn’t resist doing the Idol Glory Note.  Of course not.

And after that diversion, a *break* before more results.  30 minutes in, and 3 of the 13 singers know their fate.  This is padded more than a corporate expense account…

Back for more results… dim the lights…

  • Lauren, Ashthon, and Haley come to center stage… and it’s unlikely they’ll reveal the whole bottom three now, so I’ll get at least one wrong (of course)… as Lauren starts to lose it, Seacrest takes her off the hook – she’s safe (and I’m definitively wrong)Ashthon and Haley have been sent to the bottom three.  Everyone else is safe!?!? Wow, this is different – I’ll be it was because they couldn’t write around Casey’s illness any other way.

Back after a *break* for Diddy Dirty Money and one of the girls (gee, there’s a surprise) singing for the Judges’ Save, which they won’t get…

We’re back, and right over to Diddy Dirty Money (I’m only typing the name as many times as Seacrest mentions them).  It’s “Coming Home”.  And they’re also live on stage.  Gee, no pre-taped “star” performances?  What a concept.

Of COURSE we’re going to *break*… they have to reset the stage for the dramatic finish… as one of the girls goes home to start the season where a girl is supposed to win…

And we’re back…

  • …and almost immediately, Karen is safe.
  • Either Haley or Ashthon gets to sing for their lives… and it’s Ashthon.  Haley is safe.
  • Ashthon, clearly not learning from experience, is singing the song that got her to the edge of elimination.  And she basically did the same performance as last night, too.
  • Jennifer gets to speak for the judges… and she sends Ashthon home.  Clearly, you’d be well advised not to use my Wednesday predictions for anything other than entertainment purposes.

There’s twelve singers left, and they’ll be back Wednesday night at 8/7c… but first, David Cook covers Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me” to send Ashthon off… “Bones” is next on FOX.  See you Wednesday.


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