The buzz on the Internet is as widely-scattered as last night’s show was. Last night was mediocre, that much has gotten a consensus, but that’s made it unpredictable. So who is going home? Is anyone going home? Or do the judges – freed to all talk at once – use the Save tonight? We’ll find out shortly… because THIS… is American Idol! *music cue*
We start with an over-produced pseudo-Tarantino cold open. And Seacrest with the catchphrase. And here we go…
Wait… Seacrest hits the catchphrase onstage, then goes back up the stairs during the intro roll so he can walk back down the stairs dramatically afterwards? Pretentious much?
Idol tourdates are out. Sorry, shouldn’t say “out” with the week Adam Lambert had. Anyway, last year, the Idol Tour skipped Richmond and went to the JPJ in Charlottesville. This year, they’ve simplified it, and are skipping Virginia altogether. Mid-Atlantic tourdates – 8/1 at the Download Cap Cable Arena in Charlotte, 8/2 at the Legendary Greensboro Coliseum, 8/4 at the Phone Booth in Washington, and 8/5 at the Didn’t They Say They Were Tearing Down the 1st Mariner Arena? in Baltimore. The tour hits 50 lucky cities from July 5 (Portland, OR) to September 15 (Manchester, NH). On September 16, all but the Idol winner will be released from their contracts with 19. 🙂
It’s the pointless Ford Video Shoot. Talk among yourselves.
It’s the even more pointless group song — “Maniac” (it’s movie week, remember? “Flashdance”? Starring Jennifer Beals and a body double?). Continue to talk among yourselves while I make the usual plea. PLEASE, FOX, 30-MINUTE RESULTS SHOWS IN SEASON 9! PLEASE??????
Back from the post-song break, and into the pointless banter with the contestants. We also get footage from the Idols’ visit to the premiere of the Zac Efron tween vehicle, 17 Again (which is SO not like Jennifer Garner’s 2004 tween vehicle, 13 Going On 30), before one contestant meets their doom… um… sings for their lives. Oh, look, Zac Efron is in the crowd with a dead ferret (or maybe a toque) on his head!
Finally, at 9:16pm, results…
- Allison stands first. Surprisingly, Allison is safe. Well, surprisingly to me. Score one for America.
- Adam’s next. To nobody’s surprise, Adam is safe.
- Anoop is next. Ruh roh. Seacrest asked if he hit his stride. Well, Anoop does stride… that is, Anoop strides right into the bottom three. I’m 1-for-2. I’m guessing that Matt takes the B3 seat I had reserved for Allison.
And with Anoop safely in purgatory, we take a break.
This week’s former Idol returns, making her way back from something nobody should ever have to go through… montage first, then Jennifer Hudson sings If This Isn’t Love.
It’s 9:35pm. More results, 2 of the last 4 are heading to the bench…
- We start this segment with Kris and Lil. One of them is going to the benches… and it’s Lil going to the bottom three. Kris is safe. So, I got two of the B3 tonight. Who is taking the seat I gave to Allison?
- It’s either Matt or Danny. Matt is going to the bottom three, Danny is safe (after the weekly Weak Seacrest Swerve).
- And we’ll quickly send one of them back to safety after some Staged Judicial Sniping. Anoop is safe. Lil or Matt is going to the judges.
And we’ll find out who gets to sing for their lives after the break… and after a performance from Miley Cyrus. You’ll notice that Seacrest doesn’t say “live performance”. He’s being accurate. I mean, it was live… three or four weeks ago when it was taped… 🙂 Notice that Seacrest didn’t go up on stage to congratulate Miley. Also notice that the bungling director (who can’t time out a show to save his life) missed the cue to break. At least THAT was live.
Anyway… after Miley sings The Climb, let’s see whose climb ends tonight… after the break…
9:54pm. Time to tease someone with a possible save…
- 36 million votes last night. And the performer who got the least was Matt, who will now sing for the judges.
- Geez… I put my full 20 points in the MJ’s Big Blog pool on Lil. I’m screwed.
- So… is this the night the Save gets used?
- Is it?
- Is it?
- After more Staged Judicial Bickering…
- MATT HAS BEEN SAVED! Next week is a double-elimination as all 7 come back.
So after all that… nothing changes. And is next week really DISCO night? Oy… disco and a double-elimination. Next week is going to be… fascinating. See you Tuesday night… your late local news is next.