And this is why a live microphone is scary…

…last night at the Vanguard Championship Wrestling 10th Anniversary Show.

I was the ring announcer for half the card, alternating with regular ring announcer J.D. Kenzan (an irritable masked guy)… unfortunately, the card didn’t go too well.

No, let’s be honest.  The card was OK (not great, but OK).  But the crowd at Suffolk’s Kings Fork Middle School was comatose.  We could have set a wrestler on fire and they wouldn’t have clapped.

I guess this is why I lost my focus…

It was before the semi-main.  Time to do the drawing for the 50-50 raffle.

First, I had to introduce the sponsor…

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to give away four prizes.  The first three are from our sponsor, Winning Edge… um… Trophies… Sports and Trophies… Trophies and Sports…”

OK, so now I’ve blown up the sponsor’s name.  I look over at promoter Travis Bradshaw, and he gives me a cheesy smile and a thumbs up…

“Right, it’s Winning Edge Trophy and Sports.  Anyway, we have three $10 gift certificates from them, and the fourth ticket wins the 50-50.”
…my friend, wrestling manager Dexter Holley, is at ringside, so I got him to draw the three gift certificate winners.  That went fine.  Then I wanted to transition to a group of children nearby for the cash drawing (I always have a kid draw the winner of the cash in a 50-50).  This is when things went horribly wrong…

“Now, much as I trust Dexter Holley… (beat)… when it comes to drawing for cash prizes, I have a weakness for young children… (beat)”

And now, I realize what I just said.  And I’m already rattled from messing up the sponsor…

“…um, maybe I need to rephrase that…”
And now I really bury myself.  If anybody missed the double entendre, I just put a big ol’ neon sign on it…

“…um… oh, man, I’m in b-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-g trouble…”
Fortunately, the audience was comatose, and the kids were REALLY cute, so I was able to get back to the drawing and give the money away before I could find out how much trouble I was in.

I blame society. 🙂  OK, I really blame myself, but society started it.


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