Random typing

I have an idea where this is going to go, but I’m just kind of rolling here…

Last night, over on MySpace, I wondered how I can reconcile my nature as a loner with my desire to keep finding groups to hang with… I’m not sure I have an answer to that, but I did realize something…

It’s about trust… and I’m not sure I really know how to do that anymore…

It started 25 years ago… it was my first job, and I ran with a group of co-workers and customers… I thought they’d accepted me, but it turns out I was their court jester… I just didn’t know it… and when I finally realized it, it was kind of brutal.

It took years, but at a later job, I started to trust people again… and then I had to move (this was when the family went from NYC to Chicago)… it came about very suddenly, so there wasn’t time to tell everyone where to find me… so I picked one person there, and left them my contact info. Turns out, she never gave it to anyone…

Then, there was AMF… went there in ’94… by ’01, the people who’d hired me were long gone… the new folks had tiven me what they called a great new position, kind of a research job… turns out, they’d seen the writing on the wall and put me in a position where, when the inevitable financial crunch came, my job was first to go (literally)…

And, of course, there was the recent debacle at ComedySportz…

People ask me why I’m still upset about CSz after 4 months…

FOUR MONTHS? I haven’t made peace with being betrayed 25 years ago… that event shaped my life, for God’s sake…

I’ve always been willing to trust… but if I think you’ve betrayed that trust, there’s no turning back…

…maybe it’s too damn easy to cross that line, I don’t know…

…and maybe I really found out there are people I shouldn’t have trusted…

…and maybe this is all just words on a computer screen…

…who knows?

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Author: Rob Hoffmann

Occasional blogger, full-time computer techie, radio producer (basketball, mostly), improv tech guy, generally nice person (if you ask me).

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