One step forward, ten steps back.

All the little insults… almost like they have to remind me I’m “only” Mr. Voice…

The Raleigh show was a blast. Ultimate Frisbee was fun. And it’s been downhill from there.

Christine’s sick. She needed to call in and give a message to the troupe. I answered the phone. She asked me to give it to someone else so they could relay her message. Fucking ridiculous… I’m not good enough?

About 20 members of the troupe are here for practice tonight. I’ve tried to have conversations with some of them and I would have had better conversations with a wall. I’m sitting here with headphones on listening to my iPod — after walking out of the theatre and sitting in my car for 10 minutes — and nobody has even noticed that this is unusual.

I really, really wonder why I do this anymore. It’s obvious nobody gives a damn…

At least things are getting better at Anthem/WellPoint/Blue Cross/whatever… I’m starting to get project work thrown my way again… got to spend a good 2 hours off the phones today and I may get sometihng in July that will take me off the phones completely for a little while. And Oldies is starting to give me more hours, too… and yet I still honor my CSz committments instead of taking them.

The working definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting the result to change”. When it comes to CSz, I’m insane.

Edited: thank (insert Deity here) for [redacted]. During the break in practice, they acknowledged my existence. And they’re why it’s going to be hard to walk away when the time comes… and that time may be coming sooner than I want…

(This was private on LiveJournal.  It’s public, with names redacted, now. – 01.31.08)


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