A quiet realization

Taken friends-only on June 9. Returned to public status on October 16, when I decided that it no longer needs to be hidden.

I was talking about CSz to one of the performers there tonight and in the course of doing so, finally came to the realization that I should have a long time ago… the realization that is going to, hopefully, allow me to have a little more peace in my life.

It’s simple, really — the secret in life is to always give your best, and understand that unless you own the place, you can only do what “they” allow you to do.

Let me explain…

WellPoint (Anthem) – my job has shrunk incredibly over the last couple of months. I could be doing research or documenting various problem fixes but the company prefers to pigeon-hole me as a calltaker Fine. They’re paying me damn well to sit there and take calls all day. I’ll keep doing my best and maybe at some point they’ll wake up and see what I offer… Oct. 16 – They did. I’m knee-deep in project work again and it’s TERRIFIC!

CSz – I have an incredible amount of autonomy for what I do… but I know there’s more I can give. However, despite my best efforts, I can’t get past being “Mr. Voice”… and there are things I’d love to suggest that I know won’t get listened to. I used to let that bother me… but I realized tonight that I can take my reward in doing my best at what I get. At CSz, everything filters through one person — and since it’s her money, she has that right. The Operations Committee serves at her pleasure… if we stop doing what she needs, it’s over. I can’t change anyone else’s perception… and the good parts of being at CSz far outweigh my desire to “make it better”. Oct. 16 – this was the part that caused me to take the entry private originally. Given the events of July 7, and the three months since, I see no reason to keep it private.

Oldies – Now they know what I can give them. I used to do it, but they cut my hours. Hey, as long as they let me on-air on Sundays, I’m fine with it. If they don’t want to use me for what I can bring to the table, it’s their loss. I’ll just give ’em the best damn Sunday show in Richmond. Oct. 16 – Well, I’m still not doing any meaningful production or voice-over work (that’s what irritated me), but they do have me doing Saturday/Sunday shows, so I’m still fine with it.

It’s about understanding limitations, and understanding that you can’t always change them.

Does this make sense? 🙂


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