This was posted on Facebook on the evening of December 18, after a long string of small reminders… Other than some minor reformatting, it’s unchanged from the original.
This past weekend, while running tech for Disco Lemonade’s holiday show at CAT, I heard Billy-Christopher Maupin sing the song “I Was Here” from “The Glorious Ones” twice. His performance was wonderful, but it was the lyrics of the song that hit me between the eyes…
I say we yearn to leave something that lasts
And be known for what little we’ve done
Yes, we do. But as any number of things over the course of 2017 have reminded me, while we yearn, not all of us succeed.
My life is impermanence. A long, practiced, well-worked study in leaving no traces. I could walk under a bus tomorrow and be forgotten before Christmas.
This is my key to the portal
How I can leave something immortal
Something that time cannot make disappear
Something to say ‘I was here’
I haven’t. I don’t if I even know how. And as I approach official “senior citizen” status next year, I am finally feeling the sting of a life spent trying not to be noticed. At this point, I doubt I can change that.
Hell, Ozymandias at least had a pedestal. I have but sand.
I am glad this is coming right before I head home for Christmas. A week away from the everyday might help clear the mind and sort out the soul. I know things have to change. I don’t know what those things are.
The danger in looking into the abyss is the knowledge nothing is looking back.
The hope is that perhaps there’s one flicker. One small light in the darkness.
That’s what I’m looking for. Here’s hoping I find it. Maybe I can still leave something to say I was here.
Happy Holidays. May your mark be permanent.
Endnote: Comments are turned off. I don’t want you to feel you have to prove me wrong. Thanks for understanding.