Reblogged from We couldn't make this up…:

I was originally going to title this “Views from the Outside looking In,” but the more I wrote, the more I realised I needed a heading that expressed my ever-increasing exasperation with that country. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I’ve been watching the country descend from the being Bully on the Block, to the slightly embarrassing, slightly mad great Aunt, who owns far too many cats. So I’ve finally decided to sit down and post this rambling rant.
I think nothing exemplifies this slightly schizophrenic …

Here’s a view of the good ol’ US of A from an outsider (way outside – South Africa, I believe)… just a little food for thought.

It was no surprise that Melanie won.  The whole “oops, I forgot her” fiasco before the semifinals signaled that she was being protected… and she was clearly better than the other two finalists (if not all of the competitors).   Several of the performers will find niches to fit into, I’m sure.  Not only Melanie, but Josh, Chris, Drew, Rachel, and Lakoda Rayne could all make an impact somewhere if they’re handled properly.

That said, there have to be changes.  Steve Jones (our “Charisma Vacuum”, or “CV”) HAS to go.  Now.  Nicole Scherzinger’s credibility as a judge is shot.  Simon Cowell is smart enough to know she’s toxic now.  And I think L.A. Reid is better suited as a record executive than a judge.  I don’t know who you’d bring in to replace them, but there are plenty of people who’d like the platform — Simon can probably find a few between now and this summer, when he needs to film audition footage. 

The finale itself?  Really, really bad television.  It was badly paced, badly hosted, spent too much time with the judges talking and not enough with people singing, and relied far too much on montages and clips to fill time.  Other competition shows line up a ton of guest singers and give most of the finalists a solo platform on their finales.  This one?  Nope.  The focus has been misplaced all season, and it showed right to the bitter end. 

Bottom line: American Idol does a far better finale.  So does The Voice.  This two-night slogfest didn’t measure up at all.  And it was really indicative of the entire season.  If Cowell comes back with this same show and cast for Season 2, there won’t be a Season 3.  And I think he knows that.  For now, I’m looking forward to American Idol Season 11.  As per usual, I’ll return to the blog once the audience gets involved, sometime in late February or early March.  See you then.  If you want to read more… it’ll be after the cut.

Final Performance Show

Steve Jones looks like a man who knows his job is over.

They’re still showing almost no originality with live fan-cams in each finalist’s hometown.  However, the decision not to have a professional hosting each local segment made it look like X-Factor Even-More-Amateur Hour.

Why was the decision made to include all-star duets as part of the judging?  How is that fair to the contestants?  The duets should have been done on the results night.

After the first two duets, I had to ask if we’d become X-Factor Canada… and when Cirque du Soleil’s collection of dancing Robocops came out halfway through the performance show, it became obvious that less would have definitely been more.  Throw in a disjointed and shaky group performance by the finalists, and you can tell that 60 minutes would have sufficed for this exercise… although I guess we would have missed Josh “dancing”.

Melanie’s intermittent accent is really frustrating — she didn’t need to adopt it to win… for that matter, she didn’t need the artificial “17th semifinalist” gimmick that Simon saddled her with.  She should’ve been a finalist all along.  Let’s hope that Simon never tries this again.

Josh Krajcik
1. “Uninvited” with Alanis Morrisette – Unfortunately for Josh, Alanis buried him here.  She’s smooth, polished, and powerful.  He’s not.  Yet.  And clearly he was too nervous or just too overmatched to do a proper duet.  I’m sure this hurt him.
2. “At Last”, Etta James (and others) – Josh’s biggest failing showed here again.  When he’s up against it, he does a Joe Cocker karaoke impression.  Hopefully, post-X, he’ll get some coaching to find his unique voice.  Otherwise, he’ll sink quickly.

Chris Rene
1. “Complicated” with Avril Lavigne – Chris’s sorta hip-hop with Avril’s Canadian cool seemed like an odd match, but it worked better than  Josh/Alanis.  They did complement each other better, and the result was listenable.  Wouldn’t have been enough to get him the win anyway, but didn’t hurt.
2. “Young Homie” – This was a mistake, pure and simple.  Yes, he wants to show himself as a singer/songwriter, but we’ve heard this song too many times.  What could he do with it now that he didn’t do the first few times?  Not much.

Melanie Amaro
1. “I Believe I Can Fly” with R. Kelly – No surprise that the most polished singer of the competition scored the most polished duet, with a singer more used to doing collaborations.  If there was any doubt going into the show who was going to win, the duet round ended it.  Unless Melanie committed a felony on-stage, this was her title.
2. “Listen”, Beyoncé – Another power-pop ballad from someone who’s destined to follow the Mariah/Whitney/Beyoncé road.  There is such an obvious difference between Melanie’s performances and the guys that there was really no way she was going to lose.  

And Steve even has a final brainlock moment.   To begin his closing with  “Don’t do anything just yet” — then 30 seconds later — “Lines are now open”.  Come ON, man.

Final Results

Steve wore a tux, Simon wore a clean shirt.  Clearly different definitions of “Formal Dress”…

They had to do another awkward group performance with all of the 12 finalists?  Really?  Well, they are taking this right out of the Idol playbook…

Of course Melanie does Mariah Carey’s Christmas classic.  What else COULD she have done?

About that Walmart “Wedding Ring” commercial… the media buyer who put it on blast deserves a lump of coal (and a pink slip) for it.  The first 2 times were cute.  The 3,931 times after that… not so much.

My CV “wonderful” meter broke early in the results show.  One more “wonderful”… it’ll be wonderful when someone else is hosting season two.

The first hour of this slow… I mean… show is absolutely leaden.  It’s just terribly-designed television.

I’m not terribly interested in A Very Bieber Christmas… then again, I’m not really X-Factor’s demographic target…   Stevie Wonder, fortunately, saved the segment.  And bringing Drew in for her Moment With Bieber (that had been foreshadowed months ago) was cool.

The first result comes 1 hour 5 minutes into the show… and goes EXACTLY as anyone would have predicted last week.  Josh and Melanie get to wait another 50 minutes, while the weight is off Chris’ shoulders.

Rachel Crow proved that she’d definitely be a better host than CV is… not that it’s a high bar to hurdle.

Leona Lewis is proof that X-Factor can find talent.  But somehow, the British X-Factor is lighter and quirkier than this show became — has Simon taken himself too seriously?

At 1 hour 25 minutes in, we officially bury Melanie’s “Caribbean” accent, as she answers CV’s question in her American accent.

The show was so deadly dull that I kind of zoned out on 50 Cent and Astro and the LA Lakers doing what I think was a charity rap.  I think. 

I wasn’t going to comment on the manufactured “feud” videos (L.A. vs. Simon, Nicole vs. Paula) other than to say that given that at least two of them are unlikely to be back next season, this kind of proved absolutely nothing other than the absolute desperation of the X-Factor producers to fill two hours.

After performances from Pitbull & Neyo & Marcus Canty, and Josh & Melanie, we get to the only important part of this mess.  One hour 52 minutes in, it’s time for the results — and it’s exactly what we suspected.  Of course, CV has to read the script and shove a microphone into her face instead of calling an audible, sitting back and letting the audience reaction carry the moment, proving his utter incompetence for the job at hand.  Fortunately, Simon grabbed the microphone before someone was tempted to shove it down CV’s throat (or elsewhere). 

Congratulations, Melanie.

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Filler Music.

Cue the opening montage, recapping everything that theoretically we all saw last night.  Then again, should I bash them for recapping, considering what I’m doing?

Oh, look, it’s the Charisma Vacuum, doing his primary job – getting out of the way while the judges are introduced.

Wow – 30 million votes last night… or about as many votes as Idol’s first voting round gets… and, as predicted, it’s time for the Final Four Group Number.  There’s something weird but funny about white-bread Josh Krajcik singing the hook to Dr. Dre’s “No Diggity” (mashed up with Tears for Fears’ “Shout”).   After that musical pileup, we get a plug for auditions for X-Factor Season Two – including online auditions that are now open.  Where are the auditions for the new host?

Break…

And we’re back for another recap.  This time, it’s the onstage/backstage recap with all that “special” backstage footage – and, this week, extra bonus Skype footage from viewing parties held by each contestant’s friends and family around the nation!  Feel the… the… er… yeah, feel it!

Sorry, I zoned out, were the judges saying anything useful?  I doubt it.

Break… we may get something interesting after this, but only because the one guest-star act is next…

Damn, even the judges ignore the Charisma Vacuum, as he asks the same stupid scripted question four times before L.A. Reid acknowledges it – and then says nothing of value.

At 26 past the hour, here’s something actually interesting.  Indie darlings Florence & the Machine, with “Spectrum”, an album track off the band’s second CD, “Ceremonials”.  I may have been wrong about the “interesting” part, though… this isn’t a song I’d go out and buy.  Maybe it’s an acquired taste?  This may have been a pretape.

After the break… the first two finalists will be announced.

We’re back, but before we get results, it’s… yes… ANOTHER (redacted) MONTAGE!?!?!  This time, it’s the judges telling us how the performers are different from each other, as if we hadn’t been watching the show for several months now…

37 past the hour, let’s get some semblance of results… but not until we get the full dramatic introductions of the mentors and their… umm…. mentees?

39 past the hour…

• The first finalist is Chris Rene.
• The second finalist is Melanie Amaro.

Kind of surprised that Josh hit the “no particular order” Two with Marcus… but hey, there has to be a modicum of drama before Marcus goes home…

Break… after which we all boo Nicole Scherzinger for her singing rather than her judging…

After a brief backstage segment where Marcus and Josh say pretty much what you’d expect, it’s Nicole singing “Pretty” from her new album, “I Need To Prove I’m More Than A Pussycat Doll” “Killer Love”.  Well, it’s new to the USA, it was released to the rest of the world 9 months ago.  It was more fun to see Simon mocking Nicole’s “judging”, actually.

Break… after which we send Marcus someone home…

We’re back, with backstage interviews with the first two finalists… while I put out an APB for Melanie’s accent, the remaining singers and mentors get ANOTHER full-stage introduction.  I would like to enter tonight’s show as Exhibit A in my case that 60-minute results shows are a farce.

56 past the hour, as we’re reminded that this is the Bottom One plus a randomly-selected finalist…  Cue the Millionaire Final Question lighting and soundtrack…

• The third Finalist is Josh Krajcik.
• To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Marcus Canty finishes fourth.

CV is a lousy interviewer.  That’s the takeaway from his abysmal job talking to Marcus after Marcus was sent home.  Cue the montage.

As noted before, I’ll be out of town for the finals, so you’ll have to watch Josh “upset” Melanie without me… I’ll write up some closing thoughts on the first dismal season of The X-Factor shortly after Christmas.

Happy Holidays, and remember, we’re just a month away from American Idol’s premiere week, and The Voice returns shortly thereafter – one of those shows HAS to be better than this, right?

Besides, it’s this or the Baba Wawa special.

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Music.

And we start with the montage of Nicole Scherzinger’s abject failure to do the job she was hired to do.  Oh, and the fact that there’s 4 singers being cut to the 3 finalists… but that’s second to the judges’ drama.  Again.  Enough.

LIVE! (except for the Charisma Vacuum, who is actually a malfunctioning android), here we go…

Tonight is the second attempt to do the Soft-Drink Challenge, where the first song was chosen by the audience.  Apparently, last week, a production assistant gave out the songs in the order they appeared on the website instead of in audience vote order… thus, the conveniently-dramatic “screwup”.

Big surprise – no “Final Showdown” tomorrow night.  This round is all about the audience vote.  Gee, what a stunner.  Right after Nicole chokes, they take the judges out of play. 

Jumping right into the Soft-Drink Challenge…

Marcus Canty – “I’ll Make Love To You”, Boys II Men
FIRE!!  Oh, no, that’s a fog machine.  Carry on.  And Marcus did.  He gave it the old college try, but this song was too big for him – it was written for a multi-part vocal group, not a solo artist, after all.  Of course, he’s also several weeks past his expiration date, so I guess I can’t predict the audience reaction.  I didn’t feel it, but I’m not the part of the audience that’s voting for him.

More Soft-Drink Challenge songs… after the break…

Chris Rene – “Fly”, Sugar Ray
Really?  A song for the group best known for making a semi-competent TV presenter out of Mark McGrath (who probably would have been a better host for this show)?  As usual, it’s not about the song, but the rap that Chris drops in between hooks.   He sounds a bit off on the hooks, so it’s good the background singers are drowning him out… I’m with Simon (again), I’m not terribly impressed.

Up next… the last girl in the competition, the one with the part-time accent…

Melanie Amaro – “Hero”, Mariah Carey
The audience picked the song that matches the singer Simon’s trying to make her into.  So help me, if Simon goes all Tommy Mottola on this… anyway, for what they’re trying to sell, this was the perfect song.  I just don’t know that being “the next Mariah” is a career path you want to see anyone pushed into.  Especially if you do nothing to differentiate yourself from Mariah.  She’s got a great voice, but I suspect that she really is doomed to finish second.

The first round ends with the last over-30… after the break…

Josh Krajcik – “Come Together”, The Beatles
You have to wonder if there’ll be any blowback from Nicole’s antics last week… you know, people not voting for Josh because of his mentor.   At least Josh avoided doing the Joe Cocker impression again… I think he did a good job with it, pretty much what he’s been doing through the series.   I think I’m with Simon, it was an honest performance and honestly deserves to go through.

Now we let the singers and/or their mentors pick the songs… the audience did a fair job… how are the judges going to screw this up?

Marcus Canty – “Careless Whisper”, George Michael
It would have been hysterical to see him do the Seether arrangement… but they came up with one that fits Marcus and still works for the song.  I remain convinced he’s outstayed his talent, but this song does a better job showcasing what he can do.  The only issue is that it might be too safe – too bland – but that’ll only be in comparison to what follows…

Off to break, before we get back to the poster child for sobriety who never really explained that tweet… and, of course, the Twitter plug comes here… as does the first sign of genuine humor from CV… too little, too late…

Chris Rene – “No One”, Alicia Keys
Interesting arrangement – half the song as a ballad on piano, half in a reggae-ish style on stage… I guess he wanted to show himself in a different light, and while it seemed to work, I wonder if this much of a change is a good idea this late in the competition.  We’ll see.   It was good, but… I felt like something was missing.

It’ll be interesting to see if Melanie stays in the same lane, or tries to break out of the ballad track… after the break…

Melanie Amaro – “Feeling Good”, Nina Simone (and many others)
Well, it’s not a ballad.  But she’s still standing static at center stage behind a microphone belting out a song.  I would have liked to see her, you know… interact a little?  She comes off a little standoffish when she never moves from center stage… and, of course, as I type this, she does move – three feet forward.  Very good performance, but I don’t know how this translates after the X-Factor.  I still think she’s doomed to finish second.

And in the Pimp Spot… the guy who probably would have done well on The Voice… think about it…

Josh Krajcik – “Hallelujah”, Leonard Cohen (and, it seems, half the world)
This has been a go-to singing-competition song for years, which is why it might wind up being a bit of a mistake.  Don’t get me wrong, Josh did it well, but the song is a bit tired… it might hurt.  Then again, if the audience reacts like Paula did, it might help.

As we go to the montage, I can’t figure this out.  My gut feeling is that Marcus and Chris are splitting a segment of the vote, and that’s going to be what sends one of them home.  If so, it’s Marcus, as he’s run out of people to sneak past.   On the other hand, if either Melanie or Josh’s fans figure “they’re safe”… well, this is the point where surprises happen on other competitions.   I’m picking Marcus to go home, but nothing would surprise me.

Of course, with no Final Showdown tomorrow, the 60-minute results show is going to be padded more than (tasteless joke removed).  Florence and the Machine perform tomorrow, so does Nicole Scherzinger, there may be a group performance, and you can count on a ton of montages.  And the Final Three are determined tomorrow.  See you then.

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Music.

Cold open tonight as we dive right into the theme music… and to the Charisma Vacuum from his perch off-stage, meaning we go right into… Guest Star #1?

Indeed… the show opens with Lenny Kravitz live on stage, doing “Rock Star City Life” before diving into “Are You Gonna Go My Way”.

And as the Charisma Vacuum quickly dismisses Kravitz and introduces the judges, they’re queuing up the onstage/backstage montage… and here it is.   If you saw the show last night, you saw most of it, and the backstage stuff is completely unsurprising.  In other words, same as every other results-night montage… except it’s overlong.  Really, why do we need this much recap… oh, right, it’s a 60-minute show with 90 seconds that matter… we need the blasted filler.  C’mon, FOX… 30-minute recaps shows next year, PLEASE…

And, as if we haven’t heard enough from the judges, we hear more from the judges. For the most part, they gushed over Chris Rene… which means that… um… this can’t be good, right?

Finally, the first break…

Maybe we’ll see the contestants live on stage at some point… CV is in the “live-announcement” perch, so let’s see… no, it’s another pointless backstage montage.  This time, it’s about “what it takes to put the show on the air”.  great.  But it leads to the five contestants, their mentors… and the first results…

• Josh Krajcik is in the Final Four.
• Chris Rene is in the Final Four.  I’m kind of surprised.
• At least one of the girls goes to the Final Showdown.

Break… and they cut CV off as he tried to say “don’t go away”.  Ironic, don’t you think?

Out of the mouths of babes… when CV asked her “Are you confident?”, Rachel Crow said “no”.  And am I being cynical, or does Melanie seem to be struggling to maintain the Caribbean accent?  Nah, it has to be just me, right?

But first… live, on stage, it’s Mary J. Blige with “Need Someone”.

And after a quick plug for Mary J.’s album, a quick tease for the results and…

A break…

Back to speak to the two confirmed semifinalists.  They say pretty much what you would expect them to say.  But it did soak up a few minutes of time, so I guess it’s a good thing.  And now, more results… but first, more recrap… um… recap from CV…

• The third member of the Final Four is Melanie Amaro.
• Rachel Crow and Marcus Canty are going to the Final Showdown.

Break…

Marcus Canty – “I’m Goin’ Down”, Mary J. Blige
Rachel Crow – “I’d Rather Go Blind”, Beyoncé (via Etta James)
I think even Marcus knows it’s over.  Rachel just loaded up the big guns and blew him away.  Let’s get to the inevitable, shall we?

After the break…

We start with the mentors of the two singers…

• L.A. votes to send Rachel Crow home.  No surprise.
• Simon votes to send Marcus Canty home.

And let’s break the tie with the two uninvolved judges…

• Paula votes to send Marcus Canty home.
• Nicole throws it to America’s vote, and votes to send Rachel Crow home.

Oh, my… Nicole can’t decide, so the whole judges’ vote becomes a charade.  Nicely done.

• America votes to send Rachel Crow home.
• Marcus Canty is the fourth member of the Final Four.

So between Paula and Nicole, they wiped out Drew and Rachel in the last two weeks.  Catty much, ladies?  The reality is that neither Marcus nor Chris are going to make a ripple after this show, while Rachel is absolutely heading for Disney (if they’re smart, they do a deal tomorrow) and Drew’s got a good chance at a tween-pop career if she’s put in the right hands.  But hey, it was more important for two of the judges to stick it to a third, so who cares about the best singers, right?

Clearly, if this show is to survive past its second (already-contracted) season, there have to be systemic changes.  The judges have to be told, forcefully, that the show is not about them.  And perhaps the Final Showdown can be eliminated, since it clearly means nothing at all to the judges’ votes, and the judges can rank the performers before the results show and have their “send-home” vote given to the lowest-ranked performer in the Final Two.

Ah, who am I kidding?  The show won’t change a thing because FOX is smarter than us (just ask them).

I’ll be recapping the semi-finals next week, but won’t be around for the finals in two weeks (Christmas time, you know), so I’ll probably write up some final thoughts after Christmas.

See you next week.

Special thanks to my one commenter… feel free to have an opinion, I certainly don’t have an exclusive on them.  Oh, and by the way, this one was done live.  I’m sure you can tell the difference.  I’m actually glad to be doing this – we just had a rare line of December thunderstorms, but I’m not one of the 50,000 homes in Richmond that lost power.  Whether I regret that fact will be determined in the next 90 minutes…

Earlier this week, the Charisma Vacuum claimed he’s as stiff and joyless as he is on stage because the producers are yelling in his ear all night.  To that, I have one question: Steve, you HAVE hosted a TV show before, right?  I mean, you knew what you were in for.  If you can’t handle producers in your ear and still pretend to be a human being instead of a hostbot… step aside.

We’re down to five singers (all soloists, 4 under 30, big surprise), who’ll each sing two songs tonight.  One of those songs for each singer has been chosen by visitors to the X-Factor website audience. There’s no way this can go wrong… can it?

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Music.

Of course, the focus of the opening montage is entirely on the judges… as it has been all season, ensuring that the winner of this competition will probably be forgotten 30 seconds after the confetti drops…

CV notes that we lose one performer tonight, and that there’s a “twist” coming tonight (is that a whiff of desperation in the air?).

The opening round is dance music, X-Factor style, with a couple of DJs… we start with the putative favorite…

Melanie Amaro – “Someone Like You”, Adele
Is Adele’s music considered “dance”?   Well, as long as X-Factor thinks so.  Interesting that she didn’t move a muscle during this “dance” song, either.  But she’s got a hell of a voice and she did a solid job on the song.  She could’ve done more with it, I think.

Break… there was a rumor this week that Melanie has already scored one prize from this season… one of the Stereo Hogzz.  I guess another Idol tradition, hooking up with your competitors, made it through to X-Factor… and now I’ve reached the one downside of doing the blog live… you can’t fast-forward real-time bad commercials…

Marcus Canty – “Ain’t Nobody”, Rufus w/Chaka Khan
Seems Marcus is a bit more at home in this genre… he’s not really dancing, but he’s showing some signs of life while the dancers work around him… and it winds up being one of his better performances.  Not sure if it’s enough (yet) to get him out of the bottom of the vote, though.  He really needs to knock the second song out of the park, I think.

Break… with a spot that reminds us that the original (Idol, of course) returns in January, with a spot filmed at Disney’s Hollywood Studios in Florida (I recognize the streetscape at the end, which gives away that I’ve been to Disney World just a few times…)

Rachel Crow – “Nothin’ On You”, B.O.B.
Rachel needs to have that dippy B&W photo removed from her montage… I guess static performances are the rule of the night, as Rachel stands centerstage while the dancers go nuts… and she even had a ready answer for the question of why she didn’t gender-flip the lyrics… girl’s got spunk… and a really good voice.  Another solid performance.  I don’t know if she can win (it’s really hard for someone this young to win an audience vote), but it’ll be close…

Josh Krajcik – “We Found Love”, Rihanna
Josh covers the show’s official Big Star Friend… a song which I think she did on this very stage… which may be a tactical mistake.  But if you want a credible dance/rock version of a Rihanna hit, you got one (complete with Josh standing at centerstage, yeah, we have a pattern here).  I don’t know if it connects with the people he needs to vote for him, though.

Break… putting Chris at the end of the dance round makes sense (if the goal is to help him), as we should get a bit more on-stage energy…

Chris Rene – “Live My Life”, T.I. featuring Rihanna
Well, Chris stood on the turntable set and occasionally remembered to move back to centerstage.  Interesting performance, but where was the song?  Oh, I see, he rewrote it except for the hook.  Right.  As with Marcus, I don’t think he did enough here, and will have to do more on the second song.

Break as we end the first round… nobody really stands out, and I think Marcus and Chris are heading back to the Bottom Two if they don’t kill the second song.  Apparently, the performers were given a “twist” during rehearsals last night – we already know the audience chose these songs, what else could they do to the performers now?  We’re about to find out… after a local break where my local FOX affiliate, apparently due to power-related issues, can’t run local spots, so we get a long still frame promoting their reruns of “The Big Bang Theory” and no sound.  Lovely.  And we still get the “This is FOX Video On Demand” plug… REALLY?  I’m watching on TV, not On Demand.

Ah, here’s the twist.  The Sponsored Song Choice Competition got screwed up due to a “communications error”, postponed to next week, and thus the contestants had 24 hours to turn their Final Showdown songs into their second songs tonight.  Wow, this doesn’t seem a bit staged by the producers at all!!!

Melanie Amaro – “When You Believe”, Whitney Houston/Mariah Carey
Melanie is this show’s big-voiced diva, so why not cover two of the ultimate big-voiced divas?  To no surprise at all, she gave it a good run – this is the path her career will take post-Factor, so why not show off a bit?  She clinched her spot in the Final Four – despite her somewhat-manic rant after the song, which probably soaked up all the time allotted for the judges’ input.

Gee, amazing that Arista’s Clive Davis happens to be in the audience so Simon can give him a shoutout after a song made famous by one of Davis’ signings… all these coincidences!?!?

Break…

Marcus Canty – “A Song For You”, Leon Russell
This needs to be big… It was good.  Very good.  But I don’t think this was big enough to pull him out of the Bottom Two again.  The judges will probably save him again, but I don’t think it was enough.  I think he’s reached his plateau (and probably passed it, as this was Drew’s spot, realistically, if Simon hadn’t sunk her chance last week). 

Break…

Rachel Crow – “Music & Me”, Michael Jackson
Wow.  The nerves and the short turnaround got her badly – she hasn’t been this far off-key and wobbly all season.  The first few seconds of this performance were painful.  She did sort of get it back and finished a bit stronger, but this obviously isn’t the time to uncork an off-kilter performance.  I suspect she has enough popularity to slide through, but it’s not totally out of the question that she parked herself in the Bottom Two with this.

Josh Krajcik – “Something”, The Beatles
Give him credit for going to his strength, the rock ballad.  OK, it’s more ballad than rock.  And it’s the most-covered song ever.  You know what I mean.  The problem is that he tends to fall back on his Joe Cocker impression when the chips are down, and we got a bit of that tonight.  We don’t always get to see who Josh is, and that may be a problem.  He’s probably made up for the first song, but like Rachel, could hit the Bottom Two if things break wrong.

Speaking of breaks… it breaks reality to think that Stevie Wonder would just randomly call Chris and Marcus… and that there would just happen to be cameras there… ALL THE COINCIDENCES.

Chris Rene – “Where Do We Go From Here” (most likely title), Chris Rene
This is a gamble, although he did bust out the guitar to try to get the White Guy With Guitar vote.  Another original song, not called “Young Homie”?  VFTW may not be able to save him now.  In a situation where he needed to really score big to save himself, he pulled up short.  Not that this was a safe choice… but it wasn’t really what he needed.  Too… um… bland?  Yeah, that’s the word.  Where does Chris go from here?  The Bottom Two, as even the audience’s obligatory standing ovation was a bit tepid.

Prediction time:  Marcus and Chris in the Bottom Two, with Marcus’ time running out.

We’re close to time, but that’s OK, as nobody needs to see the horrific “(I Hate My) Teenage Daughter”, with the title that even FOX can’t bring itself to say.  How about a show called “(FOX Hates The) 30-Minute Sitcom”?  Would that sell?

I’ll be doing the recap of the results show late tomorrow night – but here’s what it’ll look like:

• Opening Montage
• Judges’ Sniping
• Backstage Montage
• Guest Star #1
• One singer is saved
• Guest Star #2
• The Bottom Two are announced
• Final Showdown
• CV barks at the judges to stop stalling and vote someone off
• Marcus goes home.

There, I’ve saved you an hour.  See you tomorrow night.

The certified 99.44% filler results show is on…

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Music.

We jump right into the Official Sometimes Lip-Synched Group Performance – “Man In The Mirror” – and jump right back out to get to the opening montage.  They’re moving pretty fast, so I wonder if they have something up their sleeve tonight…

Break… after a segment they really could afford to lose if they ever tighten the results show to 30 minutes, as would make more sense…

Back for the official announcement of the Official Soft Drink Challenge – each singer will sing two songs, one chosen by America at the Official Companion Website.  This can’t possibly go wrong…

We get our first results early…

• Chris Rene is safe.  Wow.  Color me surprised.
• Melanie Amaro is safe.  Much less of a surprise.
• Rachel Crow is safe.  She deserved it.

Break, so the remaining four (one safe plus the Bottom Three) can sweat for a while…

Back with CV asking the remaining four how they’re feeling.  They’re nervous.  Wow, that’s a revelation.

And now, someone or something called “Tinie Tempah” (allegedly the UK’s “top rapper”) performs.  He’s doing his UK #1 “Pass Out”.  You haven’t heard of it because it was just released in the USA, over a year after the Euro release.

Break…

The nervous four are ready to find out their fate…

• Josh Krajcik is safe.
• Your Bottom Three are Drew, Astro, and Marcus Canty.  I got two right.  Given my track record, that’s pretty good.
• CV rattles off the judges’ comments we heard both last night and again in the montage earlier… time-wasting, of course…
• Astro is going home.
• CV is so hell-bent on keeping to the schedule that he literally pushes himself between the contestants consoling Astro so he can ask “how do you feel?”  With that level of probing and intelligent questioning, CV has a future as an American sportscaster.

Break… Drew and Marcus sing for a Final Five spot… next…

It’s the Final Countdown… er… Showdown…

Drew – “Listen To Your Heart”, Roxette
Marcus Canty – “Neither One Of Us”, Gladys Knight & The Pips
According to Wikipedia, Roxette wrote “Listen To Your Heart” as a send-up/homage/ripoff of the ‘80s “American FM Rock” sound.  Makes it a logical song for a send-up/homage/ripoff of American Idol to license it…

Break…

Time for the tedious Final Judges’ Vote…

• L.A., not surprisingly, votes to send Drew home.
• Simon, not surprisingly, votes to send Marcus Canty home after taking the blame for Drew being in the Bottom Three.  On to the impartial votes…
• Nicole, after a rambling filibuster (and the standard interruption from CV), votes to send Drew home.
• Paula, looking horrified, votes to send Drew home.  Drew is done.  Marcus Canty is safe.
• Simon is absolutely pissed at this – he refused to talk to CV when asked for a comment… thus, I know VFTW had a great night tonight.

For the record, I despite the phrase “save-me song”.  With Drew out of the way, the path is pretty much clear for Melanie’s coronation over the next few weeks.  The other singers just don’t measure up. 

As if to prove how terrible of a person he is, CV kept shoving a microphone in front of a shattered 15-year-old, and in front of his boss who clearly didn’t want to talk.  I don’t think getting voted off tonight is going to hurt Drew, she’s got a great career in front of her… but Steve Jones’ performance tonight should be his last straw.  The man is a malfunctioning robot of a TV host.

It looks like I may be doing the recaps live next week.  Hope to see you then.

First, the performance show is down to 90 minutes starting this week, making room for FOX’s new awful “comedy”, (I Hate My) Teenage Daughter.  I’ve only seen commercials, but it’s enough to tell me that I never want to see the show.  If the general viewing audience agrees, how long before FOX pushes Simon Cowell to go back to two hours?  And will Cowell push back that he cut the field from 9 to 5 in two weeks because FOX wanted the half-hour back?

Speaking of Cowell, he’s got some decisions to make for Season Two.  The rumor came out this week that he’s looking to do a job swap – sending Nicole Scherzinger to X-Factor UK and bringing Kelly Rowland over here.  I suspect that’s not the only change this show will make for next season – Steve Jones is a Dead Host Walking, and I think Cowell (despite an ego the size of England) will realize that his sniping with the other judges is hurting the show.  Unfortunately, that will probably mean he’ll also dismiss L.A. Reid and keep himself on the panel – where it might be best for him and the show for him to go back to the UK version instead.  We’ll find out shortly into the new year…

Finally (yes, the recap is coming!), reality blogger “MJ” from mjsbigblog.com asked a logical question yesterday: “Can any of these singers sell records?”  She’s got a point.  While they’re getting votes (mostly from tweens with cell phones and bored housewives), will that audience pay real money to hear them sing?  If the American Idol experience is any indication, the answer might well be “no”.

OK… let’s fire up the DVR, fast-forward past the Charisma Vacuum, and get to the recap…

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Music.

After a few minutes, we get to the reason for MJ Week – it’s a tie-in with Cirque du Soleil’s “Michael Jackson: The Immortal” World Tour, and a chance for three of the Jackson Brothers to get some television time at the top of the show, along with MJ’s (adopted) kids, who look utterly thrilled to be there… and his mother, who at least made the effort to look interested.   Good to see the Jacksons are letting Michael rest in peace…

Break…

Hey, we’re finally getting to the singing now – after a Twitter plug, asking X-Factor fans to tell the stories of their personal challenges, and how they “Beat It” with inspiration from Michael Jackson’s music.

Josh Krajcik – “Dirty Diana”
Can he sell records?  Well, Nickelback can, so I don’t see why not… Good choice to pick up one of MJ’s most rock-oriented singles… and I like how they reworked the arrangement.  Although this is a putative singing competition, he broke out a guitar solo mid-song… I guess he wants us to see who he’ll be as an artist, if we haven’t already guess.  Pretty good way to start the show, although going first is going to hurt him a bit.

Break…

Astro – rap based on “Black or White”
Can he sell records?  Yes, there’s a tween audience for a faux-edgy teen rapper, if marketed right… As usual, I can’t really judge this.  I am so far from his intended audience that there’s nothing I can say that would matter. At least this week, the source track was at least somewhat recognizable…  I think he did enough to get through, but the real question is whether the novelty has played out for the X-Factor voting audience.

Break… and they’re actually teasing more sniping between L.A. and Simon?   The show is about the singers, right?   Right?

Oh, look, they gave a microphone to Katherine Jackson, who says she’s a big fan of the X-Factor.  Well, there’s one.  And they even handed a microphone to Prince Michael and Paris… sure, let’s market these kids who’ve been through so much already.  Ugh.

Drew – “Billie Jean”
Can she sell records?  She needs to get out of Simon’s image of her as a little china doll and be a teenager.  If she does, she’s got the Disney Girl audience waiting… however, letting Simon talk her into watering down “Billie Jean” might be the last mistake she makes in this competition.  She should have done this in a more up-tempo style.  She’s heading for the Bottom Three, and possibly the door, and it’s her mentor’s fault.  You have to wonder if Simon cynically set this up so he’d get another sound bite with L.A. for the results show montage.  If he did, L.A. didn’t take the bait.  Nicole and Paula did, though, so the staged sniping will continue.  And if it costs Drew her chance to win, hey, Simon’s happy, so no big deal, right?

Break…

Rachel Crow – “Can You Feel It” (The Jacksons)
Can she sell records?  Maybe.  She may be a bit young, but she does have a killer voice.  Will it be enough?  Depends on who signs her and how much they invest in her. OK, maybe this is why Simon is protecting Drew – if he gave her a stage set and dancers like Rachel gets, they’d split votes.  Am I giving him too much credit?  Anyway, Rachel scores again with another energetic performance, although the judges have decided to turn on her tonight (they have to gang up on someone each week, I guess).  I enjoyed it, and I suspect the voting audience did as well.  I think she’s safe for next week.

Break… and we come back with more Twitter pimping.  I don’t know why… I mean, does ANYONE make money off of Twitter?  Anyone?

Marcus Canty – “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)”
Can he sell records?  I honestly don’t know.  He’s kind of… there.  He’d be a project for a record label – he probably has to win it all to have a real shot.  Technically, this was a solid performance.  But it wasn’t really entertaining.  It felt forced, and Marcus seemed well out of his zone tonight.  I think he’s back in the Bottom Three again, and not even a backflip off the riser will be enough to change that.

Break… and they’re going to let the audience choose songs for the Round of 5?  Oh… my…

Chris Rene – “I’ll Be There” (Jackson 5)
Can he sell records?  He’s got an inspiring story, but I don’t know that he stands out otherwise… he’s going to be a hard sell.  Interestingly, Chris Rene’s grandfather wrote “Rockin’ Robin”, so – of course – Chris picked “I’ll Be There”.  Wait… what?   I think the rap may have saved the performance, because he underwhelmed when he stuck to the song… he probably should’ve done his grandfather’s song.   Kind of low-energy – a bit flat, actually.  He’s probably got the third ticket into the Bottom Three.

Break… and Melanie gets pimped, like she needs the boost?

Melanie Amaro- “Earth Song”
Can she sell records?  If a label puts as much effort into her as Simon has, absolutely… but no more flip-outs like last week’s post-song babble, please… Good stuff, but far from her best… I’m not sure if she held back or if this was just the wrong song, but it didn’t feel right… I think the song swallowed her up.  That said, she’s got the fanbase and the Pimp Spot, so she is probably safe.

And, of course, after the Charisma Vacuum rushed the judges and the show along, we wind up with several minutes to kill with the judges heaping praise on the Jacksons, and the Jackson family heaping praise on the singers – in other words, filler.

So yeah… kind of an underwhelming show, but let’s face it, this group really isn’t up to tackling Michael Jackson, especially with some of the weird song, arrangement, and staging choices the judges made.

I’d say your Bottom Three is Drew, Marcus Canty, and Chris Rene… with Marcus getting the audience boot and the judges saving Drew over Chris.   This prediction is for entertainment purposes only… don’t run to a Vegas casino and bet it, ok?

The results show is tonight, the recap will be up tomorrow morning.  See you then.

Final thought: My DVR caught the first minute of “(I Hate My) Teenage Daughter”.  I can’t recall the last time I saw a writing cliché factory played out this obviously on camera.  I think I’m more put off by the fact that Jamie Pressly is playing the mother of a teenager… we’re all getting older, aren’t we?  See you tomorrow.

Tonight, two acts go home.  A 5-minute task will take an hour.  Load up the padding, because here we go…

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Music.

No opening montage – we jump right in with Kelly Clarkson, showing that her loyalty is more to Simon than Idol, with “What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)”, the sort-of-title-track for her new album.

That leads into the opening montage, complete with Official Exclusive Backstage Footage, which includes more of Simon vs. L.A. (MAKE IT STOP!).

Break…

The audience “created” the Official Soft Drink Sponsor Group Performance this week in an online contest… it can’t be any worse than usual… or can it?  It’s a P!nk mashup, so that may explain Marcus Canty in an electric pink tuxedo.,.. but not the circus theme… or the overly busy set… yeah, it was worse than usual.

We get the umpteenth reminder of the rules for tonight (low vote-getter is done, next two sing off).

• Lakoda Rayne and Drew are called to the stage.  One of them is going to go home now.   They’re trying to build suspense, but c’mon, we know how this segment is going to end.
• Lakoda Rayne has been voted off (because America hates groups).  Drew is safe.
• Lakoda Rayne says we haven’t seen the last of them – I hope not, they didn’t get a fair shake from a competition without voting limits, that’s powered by jealous tweens and frustrated housewives…

Break…

We come back with Howie Mandel in the audience so he can promote “Mobbed”, which followed X-Factor on most of this same FOX station.  Now, back to the results… after Bruno Mars with “It Will Rain”.

Here we go… it looks kind of sad to see Paula sitting alone on the podium while the other mentors have acts on stage…

• Chris Rene is safe.
• Rachel Crow is safe.
• Josh Krajcik is safe.
• We interrupt these results for…

…the break.

Why does CV feel the need to recap what we just saw three minutes ago?

• Melanie Amaro is safe.
• CV gives us the recap of what we heard last night before announcing that…
• Astro is safe.
• Marcus Canty and LeRoy Bell will sing in the Final Showdown.

I should note that I predicted the Bottom Three for once.  But I only remembered to indicate one act that was being eliminated instead of two, so I can’t score a perfect prediction (oh well). What’s worse is that my prediction wasn’t based on performances as much as on voting patterns.  This is not a good sign for the X-Factor.  They need to do something (such as vote limits, or contests to encourage non-core voters to participate) to shake up the voting, otherwise X-Factor itself will wind up voted off…

Break…

Time for the Final Showdown…

Marcus Canty – “You Lost Me”, Christina Aguilera
LeRoy Bell – “Don’t Let Me Down”, The Beatles
Based on the overall competition, LeRoy probably should go, but there’s really no accounting for the panel.  Of course, it’ll come down to Paula and Simon, as we can probably guess L.A. and Nicole’s votes…

…after the break.

• L.A. votes to send LeRoy Bell home after begging for Marcus’ future.
• Nicole votes to send Marcus Canty home.  We are right where we expected to be.
• Paula, under pressure from CV and the production truck, votes to send Marcus Canty home.
• Simon votes to let America decide by sending LeRoy Bell home.
• The voting public gets the fifth and deciding vote.  America, by not voting for him, votes to send LeRoy Bell home.  Marcus Canty is safe.

So with seven acts remaining, we have Simon’s three girls, L.A.’s three boys, and one of Nicole’s over-30s.  The groups are gone, and right now, I am confidently predicting that Josh Krajcik will be in the Bottom Three, and likely one of the two acts voted off, next week.  This show is going to look like Idol, and it’s because Simon Cowell didn’t put in safeguards to ensure that the non-traditional singing-competition acts had a shot in hell of survival.  This needs to be fixed for season two – which, by the way, I am not going to be 100% sure is happening until Steve Jones’ replacement takes the stage in September.

The show is back to Wednesday/Thursday next week, so the blog returns on Thursday/Friday mornings… see you then.

In more ways that one, we’ve gathered a night early this week because…

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Music.

The opening montage is the top 9 telling us what they’re thankful for – because they’ll be dedicating tonight’s songs to those people.

Speaking of someone who should be thankful, here comes the man who should be thankful that he hasn’t been fired yet – and he doesn’t even get an intro.  The Charisma Vacuum tells us that this is a double-elimination week – yes, to shorten the season, they’re cutting two acts later tonight.  On the results show, there’ll be a Bottom Three. The lowest-voted perfomer goes home. The 2nd and 3rd worst go to the Final Showdown.  With that announcement, is there any chance Astro makes it to next week?  Probably not. 

Oh, look, Nicole Scherzinger looks like she took a bath in spray tan… and the show awkwardly tries to handle Astro’s comments, failing miserably.

Break…

Rachel Crow (for her adoptive parents) – “I Believe”, Yolanda Adams
Not sure why they’re tossing her into the Death Slot – they should be pushing this girl to the moon (unless they’ve decided to cut their losses on the teens?).  Her montage tells her story (crack baby, adopted as an infant).  The performance is, as she has been all season, entertaining, although having the choir behind her kind of hid her singing a bit.  Even still, a solid opening to the show.  She’s probably safe.

Break…

Marcus Canty (for his mom) – “A Song For Mama”, Boys II Men
The montage portrays him as a “momma’s boy” in a violent neighborhood… the song is a chance for Marcus to show a more soulful side after taking on Janis last week… and it may well pay off.  This is the kind of music he’s going to do if he wins this – and if this is any indication, he’ll do it well.  Big hug for his mom after the song.  Now if only the judges weren’t so afraid of being booed by the X-Bots that they shy away from any constructive criticism.  We can only hope that the criticism comes during the week…

Break… the 2nd of the girls is next… already?  Must be a reaction to Astro’s claim that the show is set up for one of the girls to win…

Melanie Amaro (for God) – “I’m The World’s Greatest”, R.Kelly
Something tells me she won’t be hugging her inspiration tonight…interesting choice of song (R.Kelly’s ego-stroking to thank God?)… another performance held back slightly by a choir taking focus from the singer, but there was no doubt… of anyone remaining, she’s probably the one who has already got it made regardless, so it was almost expected that she’d nail the song.  She’s a bit fired up tonight… for the first time, they’re actually letting us see Melanie as more than just “that girl Simon brought back” (while the Charisma Vacuum frantically tries to keep the show on pace, and Nicole gives Melanie a big hug – mind the spray tan!)…

Break… and the announcement that Bruno Mars and Kelly Clarkson (hmmm….) will be performing tonight on the results show.

Chris Rene (for his rehab counselor) – “Let It Be/Young Homie”, the Beatles/Chris Rene
Title the montage “from meth addiction to X-Factor”… he starts with a dangerous song choice, as if you tackle the Beatles, you have to get it right – even if you use it as an intro to your own original song.  Of course, he had to toss in a rap as the bridge between the songs, but it was a more lyrical rap than we’re used to (and did he sample Jason Mraz in there?).  A very enjoyable performance, glad to see he toned down the rap and focused on singing tonight, it may be what he needed to stay around for a while.

Break… as I fast-forward past the Kohl’s Black Friday ad that I hate with a deep passion…

Lakoda Rayne (for their varied influences) – “You Belong With Me”, Taylor Swift
It’s for two dads, one grandmother, and one boyfriend… I guess the song choice was for the boyfriend?… slow start, but the song picked up speed as they got into it… and they sounded more like a group than some of their other performances.   And how can you go wrong doing Taylor Swift (if you do it right, and they did)?   Did Simon say he’s sorry that they’re “going home tomorrow”?  It sure as hell sounded that way… did he pick up the wrong script?  Or is Astro right???

Break… while I rewind to check what Simon said… “I genuinely wish you weren’t going home tomorrow”.  Um… oops?

LeRoy Bell (for his late mom) – “Angel”, Sarah McLachlan
When you think about it, it pretty much was the right song for him to sing… unfortunately, it also showcased a lack of power and strength in his voice… while it was a good performance, it was definitely not as good as what had preceded him… this time, the ever-present choir may have hurt him… he may be our first Bottom Three candidate tonight.  And of course, the X-Bots booed L.A. for suggesting that this was anything short of perfect…

Break… the kid who made all the headlines is next… after a pointless Twitter moment…

Astro (for his supporters) – rap based on “Show Me What You Got”, Jay-Z
The opening montage is, of course, Astro’s apology to America… and the rap is rewritten as a shoutout to Astro’s fans… after which he officially got the apology for last week’s tantrum in.  This was designed as his Official Redemption Moment… while I expect a lot of dumb moves from the X-Factor producers, I can’t see them letting him hit the Bottom Three tonight.

Break…

Drew (for her best friend) – “Skyscraper”, Demi Lovato
The dedication, it seems, is a way for Drew to try to connect with the tween voters (no, I’m not cynical)… I am not sure if this is good or bad, but she clearly has a vision for who she is as a singer… the problem is, she hasn’t varied a bit.  I hope her audience hasn’t tuned her out, as while this was another very good peformance, it felt like every other performance she’s done until she briefly picked up the tempo at the end of the song.  She’s got “it”, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she wound up in the Bottom Three.  I’d vote for her just for ripping L.A. … on the other hand, I don’t need to see Simon and L.A. fighting – the inter-judge battles need to stop.  ProTip to FOX and the X-Factor producers: it’s about the singers, stupid.

Final break…

Josh Krajcik (for his daughter) – “Wild Horses”, Rolling Stones
Wow… did he rework this song down to its roots… I’m not sure if it was his best (and, frankly, there were moments where it sounded like Josh doing Joe Cocker doing the Stones)… but overall, it was a good job, and I think the Pimp Spot will be enough to save him.

Everyone pretty much stayed in their comfort zones tonight, making a prediction difficult.  The only certain Bottom Three act, to me, is LeRoy Bell.  After that, it’s really a coin toss.  If I had to guess, I’d say Lakoda Rayne (because America hates groups) and Marcus Canty (because his performance got lost early in the show) join LeRoy in the Bottom Three, with the girls and LeRoy going home.  I’m probably totally wrong.  We’ll find out tonight – and I’ll be back on Thanksgiving morning to see who’s thankful for the chance to come back next week.