Dear America… W.T.F?

Reblogged from We couldn't make this up…:

I was originally going to title this “Views from the Outside looking In,” but the more I wrote, the more I realised I needed a heading that expressed my ever-increasing exasperation with the US of A. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I’ve been watching the country descend from the being Bully on the Block, to the slightly embarrassing, slightly mad great Aunt, who owns far too many cats. So I’ve finally decided to sit down and post this rambling rant. I think nothing exemplifies this slightly schizophrenic …

Here’s a view of the good ol’ US of A from an outsider (way outside – South Africa, I believe)… just a little food for thought.

X-Factor USA: Delayed Final Thoughts

Since I missed the X-Factor final week live (Merry Christmas!), I plowed through the 3-and-a-half hours of DVR material tonight.  Allow me a couple of thoughts about the season, and then I’ll put my show comments behind a cut line.

It was no surprise that Melanie won.  The whole “oops, I forgot her” fiasco before the semifinals signaled that she was being protected… and she was clearly better than the other two finalists (if not all of the competitors).   Several of the performers will find niches to fit into, I’m sure.  Not only Melanie, but Josh, Chris, Drew, Rachel, and Lakoda Rayne could all make an impact somewhere if they’re handled properly.

That said, there have to be changes.  Steve Jones (our “Charisma Vacuum”, or “CV”) HAS to go.  Now.  Nicole Scherzinger’s credibility as a judge is shot.  Simon Cowell is smart enough to know she’s toxic now.  And I think L.A. Reid is better suited as a record executive than a judge.  I don’t know who you’d bring in to replace them, but there are plenty of people who’d like the platform — Simon can probably find a few between now and this summer, when he needs to film audition footage. 

The finale itself?  Really, really bad television.  It was badly paced, badly hosted, spent too much time with the judges talking and not enough with people singing, and relied far too much on montages and clips to fill time.  Other competition shows line up a ton of guest singers and give most of the finalists a solo platform on their finales.  This one?  Nope.  The focus has been misplaced all season, and it showed right to the bitter end. 

Bottom line: American Idol does a far better finale.  So does The Voice.  This two-night slogfest didn’t measure up at all.  And it was really indicative of the entire season.  If Cowell comes back with this same show and cast for Season 2, there won’t be a Season 3.  And I think he knows that.  For now, I’m looking forward to American Idol Season 11.  As per usual, I’ll return to the blog once the audience gets involved, sometime in late February or early March.  See you then.  If you want to read more… it’ll be after the cut.

X-Factor USA: Semi-Final Results

The slog to the finish is almost over.  Get ready to spend 60 minutes waiting for an announcement that could be done in 5 – but then FOX would have to figure out what to do with the other 55 minutes… probably another Howie Mandel flash-mob wedding…

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Filler Music.

Cue the opening montage, recapping everything that theoretically we all saw last night.  Then again, should I bash them for recapping, considering what I’m doing?

Oh, look, it’s the Charisma Vacuum, doing his primary job – getting out of the way while the judges are introduced.

Wow – 30 million votes last night… or about as many votes as Idol’s first voting round gets… and, as predicted, it’s time for the Final Four Group Number.  There’s something weird but funny about white-bread Josh Krajcik singing the hook to Dr. Dre’s “No Diggity” (mashed up with Tears for Fears’ “Shout”).   After that musical pileup, we get a plug for auditions for X-Factor Season Two – including online auditions that are now open.  Where are the auditions for the new host?

Break…

And we’re back for another recap.  This time, it’s the onstage/backstage recap with all that “special” backstage footage – and, this week, extra bonus Skype footage from viewing parties held by each contestant’s friends and family around the nation!  Feel the… the… er… yeah, feel it!

Sorry, I zoned out, were the judges saying anything useful?  I doubt it.

Break… we may get something interesting after this, but only because the one guest-star act is next…

Damn, even the judges ignore the Charisma Vacuum, as he asks the same stupid scripted question four times before L.A. Reid acknowledges it – and then says nothing of value.

At 26 past the hour, here’s something actually interesting.  Indie darlings Florence & the Machine, with “Spectrum”, an album track off the band’s second CD, “Ceremonials”.  I may have been wrong about the “interesting” part, though… this isn’t a song I’d go out and buy.  Maybe it’s an acquired taste?  This may have been a pretape.

After the break… the first two finalists will be announced.

We’re back, but before we get results, it’s… yes… ANOTHER (redacted) MONTAGE!?!?!  This time, it’s the judges telling us how the performers are different from each other, as if we hadn’t been watching the show for several months now…

37 past the hour, let’s get some semblance of results… but not until we get the full dramatic introductions of the mentors and their… umm…. mentees?

39 past the hour…

• The first finalist is Chris Rene.
• The second finalist is Melanie Amaro.

Kind of surprised that Josh hit the “no particular order” Two with Marcus… but hey, there has to be a modicum of drama before Marcus goes home…

Break… after which we all boo Nicole Scherzinger for her singing rather than her judging…

After a brief backstage segment where Marcus and Josh say pretty much what you’d expect, it’s Nicole singing “Pretty” from her new album, “I Need To Prove I’m More Than A Pussycat Doll” “Killer Love”.  Well, it’s new to the USA, it was released to the rest of the world 9 months ago.  It was more fun to see Simon mocking Nicole’s “judging”, actually.

Break… after which we send Marcus someone home…

We’re back, with backstage interviews with the first two finalists… while I put out an APB for Melanie’s accent, the remaining singers and mentors get ANOTHER full-stage introduction.  I would like to enter tonight’s show as Exhibit A in my case that 60-minute results shows are a farce.

56 past the hour, as we’re reminded that this is the Bottom One plus a randomly-selected finalist…  Cue the Millionaire Final Question lighting and soundtrack…

• The third Finalist is Josh Krajcik.
• To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Marcus Canty finishes fourth.

CV is a lousy interviewer.  That’s the takeaway from his abysmal job talking to Marcus after Marcus was sent home.  Cue the montage.

As noted before, I’ll be out of town for the finals, so you’ll have to watch Josh “upset” Melanie without me… I’ll write up some closing thoughts on the first dismal season of The X-Factor shortly after Christmas.

Happy Holidays, and remember, we’re just a month away from American Idol’s premiere week, and The Voice returns shortly thereafter – one of those shows HAS to be better than this, right?

X-Factor USA: Semi-Finals

I don’t know… I think I’m over this… it’s really less than Idol in every way, and I’m not even going to be around for the finals (where Simon Cowell will get his comeuppance as Melanie loses to one of the guys) next week… but I started this, and I’m damn sure going to go as far as I can with it.

Besides, it’s this or the Baba Wawa special.

It’s Time.  To Face.  The Music.

And we start with the montage of Nicole Scherzinger’s abject failure to do the job she was hired to do.  Oh, and the fact that there’s 4 singers being cut to the 3 finalists… but that’s second to the judges’ drama.  Again.  Enough.

LIVE! (except for the Charisma Vacuum, who is actually a malfunctioning android), here we go…

Tonight is the second attempt to do the Soft-Drink Challenge, where the first song was chosen by the audience.  Apparently, last week, a production assistant gave out the songs in the order they appeared on the website instead of in audience vote order… thus, the conveniently-dramatic “screwup”.

Big surprise – no “Final Showdown” tomorrow night.  This round is all about the audience vote.  Gee, what a stunner.  Right after Nicole chokes, they take the judges out of play. 

Jumping right into the Soft-Drink Challenge…

Marcus Canty – “I’ll Make Love To You”, Boys II Men
FIRE!!  Oh, no, that’s a fog machine.  Carry on.  And Marcus did.  He gave it the old college try, but this song was too big for him – it was written for a multi-part vocal group, not a solo artist, after all.  Of course, he’s also several weeks past his expiration date, so I guess I can’t predict the audience reaction.  I didn’t feel it, but I’m not the part of the audience that’s voting for him.

More Soft-Drink Challenge songs… after the break…

Chris Rene – “Fly”, Sugar Ray
Really?  A song for the group best known for making a semi-competent TV presenter out of Mark McGrath (who probably would have been a better host for this show)?  As usual, it’s not about the song, but the rap that Chris drops in between hooks.   He sounds a bit off on the hooks, so it’s good the background singers are drowning him out… I’m with Simon (again), I’m not terribly impressed.

Up next… the last girl in the competition, the one with the part-time accent…

Melanie Amaro – “Hero”, Mariah Carey
The audience picked the song that matches the singer Simon’s trying to make her into.  So help me, if Simon goes all Tommy Mottola on this… anyway, for what they’re trying to sell, this was the perfect song.  I just don’t know that being “the next Mariah” is a career path you want to see anyone pushed into.  Especially if you do nothing to differentiate yourself from Mariah.  She’s got a great voice, but I suspect that she really is doomed to finish second.

The first round ends with the last over-30… after the break…

Josh Krajcik – “Come Together”, The Beatles
You have to wonder if there’ll be any blowback from Nicole’s antics last week… you know, people not voting for Josh because of his mentor.   At least Josh avoided doing the Joe Cocker impression again… I think he did a good job with it, pretty much what he’s been doing through the series.   I think I’m with Simon, it was an honest performance and honestly deserves to go through.

Now we let the singers and/or their mentors pick the songs… the audience did a fair job… how are the judges going to screw this up?

Marcus Canty – “Careless Whisper”, George Michael
It would have been hysterical to see him do the Seether arrangement… but they came up with one that fits Marcus and still works for the song.  I remain convinced he’s outstayed his talent, but this song does a better job showcasing what he can do.  The only issue is that it might be too safe – too bland – but that’ll only be in comparison to what follows…

Off to break, before we get back to the poster child for sobriety who never really explained that tweet… and, of course, the Twitter plug comes here… as does the first sign of genuine humor from CV… too little, too late…

Chris Rene – “No One”, Alicia Keys
Interesting arrangement – half the song as a ballad on piano, half in a reggae-ish style on stage… I guess he wanted to show himself in a different light, and while it seemed to work, I wonder if this much of a change is a good idea this late in the competition.  We’ll see.   It was good, but… I felt like something was missing.

It’ll be interesting to see if Melanie stays in the same lane, or tries to break out of the ballad track… after the break…

Melanie Amaro – “Feeling Good”, Nina Simone (and many others)
Well, it’s not a ballad.  But she’s still standing static at center stage behind a microphone belting out a song.  I would have liked to see her, you know… interact a little?  She comes off a little standoffish when she never moves from center stage… and, of course, as I type this, she does move – three feet forward.  Very good performance, but I don’t know how this translates after the X-Factor.  I still think she’s doomed to finish second.

And in the Pimp Spot… the guy who probably would have done well on The Voice… think about it…

Josh Krajcik – “Hallelujah”, Leonard Cohen (and, it seems, half the world)
This has been a go-to singing-competition song for years, which is why it might wind up being a bit of a mistake.  Don’t get me wrong, Josh did it well, but the song is a bit tired… it might hurt.  Then again, if the audience reacts like Paula did, it might help.

As we go to the montage, I can’t figure this out.  My gut feeling is that Marcus and Chris are splitting a segment of the vote, and that’s going to be what sends one of them home.  If so, it’s Marcus, as he’s run out of people to sneak past.   On the other hand, if either Melanie or Josh’s fans figure “they’re safe”… well, this is the point where surprises happen on other competitions.   I’m picking Marcus to go home, but nothing would surprise me.

Of course, with no Final Showdown tomorrow, the 60-minute results show is going to be padded more than (tasteless joke removed).  Florence and the Machine perform tomorrow, so does Nicole Scherzinger, there may be a group performance, and you can count on a ton of montages.  And the Final Three are determined tomorrow.  See you then.